Friendship is Magic

Mr.Face:

"If there are deeper facets of caring beyond not wishing someone dead, They are all lost on me at this point in time." I corroborated. I straightened a pen on my desk. It had been out of alignment by about .4 inches.

"So...in keeping with the idea that I am in the correct ballpark... why would you refrain from partaking in the niceties that I have offered?" I asked.

Cricket

And there was the right question to ask, the only thing I hadn't solidly mentioned. "Well." I chewed on my words for a bit, wondering what the right way to answer might be. " . . . My friends, for one . . . aren't particularily fond of . . . well, you, and I'm not sure 'ow fond they would be of me being in any way connected t' you. Almost something you might call . . . well, a betrayal. For one."

Mr.Face:

I ran though a mental list of who all was associated with him. Mr.Namechov, My Hostage...My Purchase... Mr.Namechov had better not have demonstrated any form of insubordination.. he was constantly on thin enough ice as it was. And as for the other two... Well, I suppouse that made some modicum of sense. I did kill them quite frequently.

I kind of failed to see the dilemma. If they had a problem with how he spent his time away from them, That was their problem. Not mine. Not his. He spent his time with them, and time away could theoretically be allocated however he so chose. That decision at the moment just happened to reside with me. "Why? You spend your time with them. The rest... couldn't you deign to do with as you please?" I asked.

Cricket

"Well, I suppose I could choose t' be a two-faced bastard that changes sides as 'e gets th' urge, aye. But then I would be a two-faced bastard."

Mr.Face:

"I take it that that is an unacceptable approach to this... friendship thing then. " I thought about it for a moment. "...Well, technically Mr.Namechov is a non issue, as he's employed here." Which left two. "Pay them. Internet, I'll pay you to pay them." I concluded. That made sense right?

Cricket

"Pay them--? Well, ah . . . see, it doesn't quite work that way." I bit my lip in thought. How to explain this thing to him. "Think less business, more . . ." I almost said friendship, realised that would be useless, and ended up making circling hand gestures to fill the blank. ". . . friendly. Bah! I can't quit explain it."

Mr.Face:

"I invite you here to at least attempt an explanation. Because, really... I seem to be missing something substansial. How exactly do friendship and business differ? They seem to be theoretically similar...an exchange of goods to in some way benefit both parties." I asked, intrigued as to what all I was missing.

Cricket

"I know, I know, I've been trying t' attempt an explanation. 'Old on until I think of something that makes sense in th' slightest. Ah...let's see now. Business...aye, it's an exchange, as is friendship in a way, but business is...colder, I'd say. Friendship's closer. I mean closer in th' emotional sense rather than th' physical, mind you. Well, physical sometimes, but ah...that's a different story usually. But aye. Business is colder."

Mr.Face:

"Colder...how exactly?" I asked, feeling as though perhaps now we were actually getting somewhere. "Like... What kind of considerations are contemplated through friendship that aren't considered in a well written out business arrangement? You say simply "Emotions" But I consistently fail to grasp that aspect as a whole. Therefore, I implore that you be more specific. Perhaps include some statistics or a graphic or a working scenario or something?"

Cricket

"But that's th' thing, there's no written arrangement or th' like. Business is a bit more concrete, I'd say, whereas friendship can be unspoken. In business you're looking for something beneficial t' come out of it, whereas in friendship th' friendship is th' benefit, see...it's th' labor and th' prize. If that makes sense. Most don't get into it looking for money or manipulation, and those that do aren't being friends but simply...well, manipulators. In business you don't consider 'ow much you actually like th' other party, because it's not them you're after, it's what they give you. This making any sense at all?"

Mr.Face:

"But, in seeking friendship aren't you then logically seeking the benefits afforded by the friendship itself, therefore making it a bit of an unspoken mutually agreed upon set of bylaws that are drawn up through experience and then modified on a case by case basis as is...what is it... the notion of English Common Law?" I started, glad to see that I could actually argue points with him at this point.

"I would maintain that you do actually consider whether or not you like the other party in business, because you have to decide where it is best to allocate your resources. ...Consider it like this. Say for instance I wanted to hire a fishing company, because...I eat. I would investigate all the fishing companies, and cross reference each one's credentials and reputation as well as price and general cost prior to actually setting up an agreement with any one company. All of the companies sell fish... It is simply a matter of which one I am willing to work with. So, in theory, friendship is like one gigantic work agreement that is constantly in flux. Both parties recieve something, and arguably both parties have to exert some amount of labour in order to actually acquire the net profit from the other business. They fish, I generate income. The two are then exchanged, for maximum benefit to both sides... Am I making sense or am I ridiculously far off the mark?" I leaned back a bit in my chair as I was explaining this, leaving my fingers steepled.

Cricket

I was now confusing myself. It's like explaining color to a blind kid. "Well, when you put it that way, aye, it resembles business. Not quite th' same, though. I'm trying t' explain it. Aye, sure, you might want t' do business with someone you tolerate, but it's not quite... Aye! Both parties 'ave got t' work, if you will, at friendship, and there are sacrifices on both ends and such, but it's not quite... work. It's not a job, it's fun. There we are. That's considered, from a more personal standpoint: 'Can I be 'appy around this person'. Not tolerate, but be 'appier when they're around. Still an unspoken agreement I'd say that both can be 'appier, but in business from my 'umble knowledge it's less about 'appy and more about getting stuff that can make you 'appy while friendship is about th' person themself making you 'appy. There! I think that's it. It was 'ard t' put a pin on it, but I think I got it! Make sense? Any questions?"

Mr.Face:

...Alright now I was completely and hopelessly mired in misunderstanding. It was like standing in an empty field. No walls, no ceiling. No acoustic resonance. "...So... people... can make you happy." It was a question. Worded as a statement of disbelief.

I realised that another question had arisen out of his brief monologue. "Additionally, I would like to inquire as to what the working definition of happiness is."

Cricket

Oi my my, Mr. Face. He really hadn't a clue about anything to do with many positive emotions, now did he? That honestly shouldn't have surprised me, but still. It was interesting and a tad bit . . . what was the word, sad? . . . Perhaps.

I raised an eyebrow and pushed myself off the wall. Perhaps I could think better if I paced. "Aye, people can make people 'appy . . . you know, 'appy? Bliss, pleasure, peace, you don't know 'appy? You honestly don't know 'appy. Oi my my, mate. You're a case." I whistled something, stopped at his desk to look at him. "That might be a bit 'arder t' tag a definition on, there, ah... You don't know 'appy?"

Mr.Face:

"I don't know. I know enjoyment. I know... progress. Efficiency. Satisfaction. I know the fleeting feeling of ripping out someone's lungs and listening to them try to scream. Do any of those qualify?" I asked. To be quite frank, I didn't feel much, or often. Murder was an easy way to invoke something... Something worth a laugh. Something to alleviate the weight of the human population, and thus theoretically make my life less full of stupidity. Murder was also a business.

Cricket

I cocked my head, then paced back to my corner. Igh, lungs. "Well, ah." I sank down against the wall until I was sitting, watched the ceiling, and whistled a thought. "Some of those, I s'pose. Enjoyment, satisfaction, per'aps, in th' way that you might enjoy their company, but ah... See, something's missing again. It's more...lasting, rather than fleeting? Foundation rather than th' final result, th'... well, th' thing that makes everything else a bit more bearable. I don't know. Just 'appiness, is all. Some people chase after it, some people try t' replicate it, some people run and bury themselves in it and try t' shut everything else out. Y'know...'appy. Comfort. 'ome. Y'know?"

Mr.Face:

"...I am afraid that I do not really understand." I stated.

The words carried little weight to me. My current abode was a result of my toils. I didn't know that I would call it home. I didn't know that I would call any place home, though. They were all places I happened to inhabit. Of little consequence.

Comfort...I could Identify slightly more with, being that roofs were very necessary to my comfort.

Cricket

"Aye?" I rapped my fingers against my knee, thinking. "Mr. Face I find it odd 'ow you've lived probably about five or six times my entire lifespan so far, yet you don't know something that most anyone you catch on th' street will know, if not 'ave. Though, ah...I 'ave t' say now that I'm thinking of it, you don't 'ave t' be 'appy t' be in a friendship, but it's always a step closer t' it. 'appy times, friends make it more, but in 'ard times they make things a bit more bearable. But aye...friends make you 'appy. Make things a bit better. That's why it 'urts so much when th' good ones get taken away...ah...aye."

Mr.Face:

...Which would explain why it caused Mr.Namechov so much strife when I asked that he eliminate one of his close acquaintances. Admittedly, I knew something about that... though... just enough to manipulate it for my own enjoyment.

This all was a bit odd. Seeing the situation from a bit of a different perspective. Still little more than an observer, but seeing it differently none the less. I wondered vaguely why I was so amused by disrupting this apparent balance of benevolent actions... Probably something to do with the people aspect of the whole thing. I wasn't feeling terribly introspective. I killed people. I enjoyed it. I will continue as such. There was beauty in the destruction.

"That makes sense. Normally I laugh at that kind of thing. I have wonderful memories of you all downstairs..." And out of decency I cut myself off there, simply allowing myself a wide grin.

Cricket

"...Aye," I said uncertainly after a moment. "Well." There was the grin again. I shifted uncomfortably beneath it and drew a knee to my chest. "Now you know why." Bright side, he might not try for something like that again if he was truly set on this whole deal, if somehow he miraculously cared enough about not hearing Riddle's name to give things like that scene up. "I 'ave t' wonder...after 'earing that explanation, do you still think you can pull th' whole friendship thing off?"

Mr.Face:

I listened to him squirm for a moment, which, while it wasn't at all helpful to the situation, caused the grin plastered across my face to expand. Schadenfreude. It was a fantastic feeling.

"Speculation at this point in time... Isn't necessarily something that would be of any benefit to either of us." I stated, trying to be diplomatic about this whole thing. That's what this was. An excersise in diplomacy. "I would hate for any potential doubts to cause a premature rift in this thing. However, I will admit that we may have to hybridise the classical terms of friendship to compensate for...places in ordinary human psychology where I seem to be missing things." Hopefully that was sufficient on the matter, so that he could understand that it would be exceptionally difficult for me to do much of that...but I wasn't against actually trying all of it. Clearly experimental conditions would have been favoured, but... this would do, I suppouse. Experimental ...enough.

Cricket

"So in English... Probably not, but you're going t' try any'ow." There was still quite a bit of a grin in his voice. Oi my my, how much I wished that would go away. That scene is not a pleasant scene to be reminded of. I clenched and unclenched my fists, still restless, but trying not to fidget too much. "And you might 'ave t' change th' rules of th' game a bit because you can't feel like normal people. 'ow would we go about that?"

Mr.Face:

...He then proceeded to restate my entire statement in more pedestrian terms. "I would like to remind you that I was speaking English..." I informed him prior to actually answering his question.

I took a moment to make sure I was phrasing everything properly. "I propose a sort of trial and error construction, wherein if I behave extraordinarily atypically, you inform me of such, and then we asses and evaluate our present situation from there, making alterations as we go. Because I get the impression that trying to draw up a plan or policy as of right now could get excessively laden in technicalities. While I wouldn't mind being laden in technicalities, I realise that other people do not share my administrative pleasure. " The grin on my face was finally replaced with an altogether more businesslike neutral expression, which I think was brought about by the discussion of legislation. Because really, what about "reassessing and redistributing assets" in any sense of the phrase could induce a smile in anyone? ...Alright, I do suppouse that it depends on the redistribution. Still though.

Cricket

"A'right, though...I might bring up that being so outspokenly trial and error about it might be a tad atypical, but otherwise you might be completely lost."

Mr.Face:

"Minor abnormalities required for initial functioning can be overlooked at the moment I do believe, and then reassessed at a later date, pending further understanding of all these... intricacies." I corroborated.

...I do believe that the question was now: Now what. "...So now that all this has been sorted out..." I prompted, hoping that there would be some kind of immediate... thing to do or something. I didn't know.