Friendship is Magic

Mr.Face:

"Well... I don't know, I don't live here... I was under the impression that you would have an idea of what to do now. If it's the afternoon then I ought to ask you about lunch I suppouse...logically, but since I actually have no way to effectively consume anything, I'm unenthusiastic over requiring assistance so many times within a thirty minute period." I stated, still quite irritable.

Cricket

"Well, ah...it's not often we 'ave guests." I shrugged. And then I realized something. Finn and me exchanged another look. Mr. Face was rich . . . Mr. Face ate whenever he felt like it. Mr. Face must eat a lot. That may be a small bit of a problem. "Ah...do we even 'ave lunch?" I muttered to Finn.

"I 'ad some bread saved . . . rats managed t' get into th' most of it. Dried fish, we 'ave some o' that." He glanced at Mr. Face again, and then added, "...Not much."

"Ah." We'd need more food. Well, we'd always need more food. That's the sort of point of the thing, is you never actually get enough food until you die or become immortal anyhow. But anyhow... we'd need more than usual.

But we could figure that out once someone was actually hungry. More specifically, Mr. Face, because I'm fairly sure Finn and me were hungry anyhow, but see . . . it wasn't as if we were starving. Eat when you can, pretend you don't have to when you can't. There we are.

"Any'ow, ah. Things t' do." What did I even do here all day? "I could give you a bit of tour except I figure you might not be up t' moving around all that much, aye?"

Mr.Face:

It occurred to me that Cricket wasn't actually terribly well off, and as such, probably didn't exactly have much in the way of food. And hearing that my options seemed to consist of dried fish and the bread being digested by rats... whatever rats were, wasn't terribly reassuring.

"You would be correct in concluding that I'm not much for moving at the moment. And I'm guessing that you don't have Wi-Fi here, correct?" I had to check. Because if there was Wi-Fi, then I could have him get my phone out of my jacket pocket and we could divert ourselves with that for a while.

Cricket

"What's Wi-Fi?" Finn asked.

"Internet thing."

"Ah."

I had a feeling that hadn't explained much. Ah well. "T' answer your question, mate...no. But not that I've ever looked."

Mr.Face:

...I couldn't say that I was completely surprised at that answer. However, the sheer ignorance of the reply was kind of amusing. As was the fact that the other one with the pronoun issue didn't even know what Wi-Fi was. I allowed a momentary grin of condescension to flash across my face. And, from what I understood of human sight, one could not simply see Wi-Fi. It was like radio waves. Invisible. "That is unfortunate. Hm. So then, what do you recommend doing while sitting here? Because my only suggestion is now impossible." I asked.

Cricket

What was that grin for? What, did I say something stupid? ...Probably. Anyhow. "...Pick a topic t' talk about, per'aps?" What else was there to do besides talk?

Mr.Face:

Hm. Discussion. Alright. That could be a potentially interesting diversion. "I'd like to ask what kind of subjects are acceptable for conversation here, because I don't want to accidentally... over step any lines..." I asked, quite aware that I might want to limit what exactly I said since we had the third person here.

Cricket

"Good question." I looked at Finn.

Who shrugged, staring at the both of us. "You two simply talk about whatever it is you normally might talk about.

I looked back at Mr. Face. " 'ow about this. You start going too far, I'll let you know."

Mr. Face:

"That sounds like an acceptable course of action, Cricket." I agreed after a moment. "I suppouse that the most logical topic of discourse would be what exactly my course of action ought to be pending my return to the government building. However I don't feel particularly inclined to do so... Lazy as it may be. So, perhaps we ought to address something more... Casual? Perhaps philosophy or something... Say something trite and ignorant and perhaps we can work from there." I suggested. Admittedly, his ignorance probably wasn't entirely his fault, considering his ...notably lacking education, but still.

Cricket

I could be offended by that, or I could ask what trite meant, or I could go along with it and make fun of myself, which seemed to be the easiest way to go. " 'ey now, don't rush me. Once can't simply pull my type o' trite and ignorant out o' th' air at th' drop of an 'at. Stupid is an art form."

Mr. Face:

" An art form? Really now." I asked, a slight grin on my face from that statement. "I suggest that you figure out what kind of nonsense you are planning to espouse shortly, because even in my line of work this kind of think time is unacceptable. And honestly, I would expect you to be able to come up with stupid faster than I can conjure up unconventional torture methods." Hopefully this would open up some kind of ludicrous arguement as per usual. I could use a ludicrously silly semantic arguement. Lighten the mood.

Cricket

"Oh aye, but it's not something you can simply come up with on command," I said, now having a rather fun time pulling this all out of thin air. "It's something you 'ave t' catch in just th' perfect moment, and it can nearly always only be caught by pure coincidence and accident. Look too 'ard and it'll never come, but sit around thinking and doing nothing at all, see...that's when stupid comes. A bit like catching a cat or a rat or th' like in th' act. Pay it too much attention, too much thought, and it's gone. Th' art is in not thinking at all."

Mr. Face:

It was entertaining to see how quickly exactly he could spin that web of utter nonsense. " I don't think that I could actually sit around long enough to allow such a case of stupidity to manifest. Though, now that I have been incapacitated, I suppouse that I will need a temporary new art form. Though systemic disembowelment using only feet would also be ceaselessly captivating as well. Do tell of your prodigious skill sitting around uselssly for long periods of time awaiting your genius stupidity. I am... Enthralled." I grinned. Useless wordplay had been achieved. Now if we could up the intensity it might be a way to distract myself from the pain of my hands.

Cricket

"I'll do my best t' enlighten you, 'owever it appears that you 'ave an awful lot t' learn. Some are born with th' gift, but mate... you don't 'ave it. Far too much logic and numbers packed int' that brain, smothering out th' spontaneity of th' preposterous patterns o' thought that are so crucial in th' simple yet little-mastered art o' stupid. Bah. It'll 'ave t' do. Try t' keep up, won't you?" I spun around in the chair until I was thoughtfully reclining with my legs swung over the backrest. "As a side note, sitting funny is a good exercise t' get th' boring out of your brain. Unfortunately you can't quite do it in your current state o' disrepair. If you insist on trying I might offer you an 'and, but I figure you've a'ready got two broken ones. But for future reference, no logical thinker would sit upside-down as so. Therefore, by sitting in such an illogical manner you can't 'elp but feel less stiffly controlled and more, shall I say, fun. Now that your mind is effectively off track, th' second step is t' make sure it stays there. By all means, don't search for stupid thoughts directly, but rather make sure that you don't think about anything of any importance at all. If you do, make a bad joke out of it as soon as possible. Now, am I going too fast for you? Any questions so far?"

Mr.Face:

"Offering me a hand? Preposterous, you know how I feel about dismemberment...I simply won't have it." I replied. "I'm hoping that puns and wordplay aren't off limits in this metagame of strategic thoughtlessness, or else, unfortunately, I may never be able to fully commit. You see, if you were to deprive me of my language skills, you'd be looking at a man scorned. And frankly, I don't know if I'm even capable of stupidity when in a homicidal rage. That's not to say that I'm typically capable of stupidity when in a garden variety of rage either, or simply running in my rage free neutral setting. Though this digression is hardly pertinent to the question at hand. Would taking up a hobby of stupidity in any way limit my propensity for sesquepedelian loquaciousness?" I asked, making a satirical use of one of my harsher business tones.

Cricket

"Pft, limit your what? And I'll 'ave you know that puns are a special type of stupid in themselves, not because they don't take thought but because they're generally facepalmingly silly. Clever stupidity, I might say."

Mr.Face:

"My propensity for sesquepdelian loquaciousness-- You may have noticed that I have a recurring habit of using particularly large words in casual conversation while maintaining the ability to conduct discourse in a cohesive and elucidating manner. ...And I am quite glad to hear that wordplay is still an acceptable outlet of excess derp...to use a colloquialism." I explained. I may have been using exceptionally large words simply to continue to play this ridiculous little game we had going. This was nice in that it was very efficient in distracting me from more complex thought processes that would have been significantly hindered by my current lack of mobility and forethought that didn't involve the phrase: 'and then I was magically cured of broken bones and the karma fairy responsible for this atrocity was punched repeatedly in the face until her brain made an impromptu exit out the back of her face.'

Cricket

"Ah." So, his habit of using big words? "Aye, big words are fine so long as they're describing something of no importance, or in the least describing it in a ridiculous manner. I'd probably do th' same if I knew more big words, because honestly, they're simply fun t' say. I'll 'ave t' remember whatever it is you said, sesquepdelian loquaciousness. It really rolls off th' tongue, doesn't it?" I said, smirking at the ridiculousness.

Mr.Face:

"I propose that in the coming weeks of my profound uselessness, we ought to perhaps enhance your vocabulary with completely useful terms for achieving nothing. And the phrase is particularly fun to say. Two 'q''s in the same phrase... it's bound to be linguistically amusing. Furthermore, if I were to speak extemporaneously on something useless, let's say... arguing the benefits of using an ubuntu server instead of a windows operated one when constructing a sandwich, would that qualify as stupidity?" I asked. The entire thing was convolutedly nonsensical in the worst way possible. It was silly and useless... and fantastically distracting.

Cricket

"Oi my my I think you've got it. You're on th' right track, in th' least." I'd had doubts until he'd finished that sentence off with 'while constructing a sandwich'. Now there was some entirely odd sensation spinning in my mind that was something along the lines of an odd concoction of surprise, pride, and a sort of amusement that made one eyebrow shoot up and one corner of my mouth shoot up in a larger smirk. "I might add that completely useless terms for achieving nothing sounds lovely, and I also might add that when it comes t' rambling in linguistically amusing nothings all for th' art of stupidly accomplishing nothing you may be accomplishing something, which is a bit of a small surprise. Well done."

Mr.Face:

"I'm intelligent, which, paradoxically, makes learning things such as stupidity a fair bit simpler than if I was just your typical moronic idiot. And again, paradoxically, I can guarantee you that I could potentially conduct a well constructed seminar in absolutely nothing, or the philosophy thereof, and assign coursework and everything, while essentially saying very little. It would be the most fantastically constructed wordsmithing this side of Procrasti, but it would be hideously disparaging with regards to actual intellectual content. I attribute my success in nonsensicality to you, and my career as a political figure. Oddly, most speeches that one makes prior to actually getting into office involve saying much with very little content." I explained myself briefly after he'd finished congratulating me. All this effort put into espousing sophmoric nonsense had been a great distraction, though the pain was attempting to return by way of reminding me that breathing and talking were two mutually exclusive actions, and that one could not go on while the other was in process.

Bloody human biology.

Cricket

"Ah. My pleasure being a cause o' nonsensical fun-t'-say rants, then. Spreading th' idiocy, one sesquepdelian loquacious dictator at a time."

"I 'ave t' ask, do you two always talk like this?" I'd almost forgotten that Finn was there, he'd been sitting so quiet.

Mr.Face:

"No, sometimes we speak in tongues only known to the unholy lost ones and recite bits and pieces of the Necronomicon over writhing masses of rearticulated human limbs; gives you better dial-up speed. Occasionally we yell." I replied. The latter...completely true, the former, false. I said it with a straight face all the same though, simply because he'd implied that I was a "that" yesterday, and found the statement amusing. And for the record, I haven't had dial up since 922.

Cricket

I could have said something to make sure Finn knew the first bit was sarcastic, but . . . I sort of wanted to know how he'd react as well. Not that I hadn't already told him a small bit about what it was like talking to him, what with the 'no whisting and no gore' agreement we had.

. . . His expression didn't change, actually. All he did was blink once and sit back in his chair. "Ahhhh."

Mr.Face:

...That was an unanticipated reaction. Or rather, lack of reaction. "I can see why you wouldn't find that odd... considering your notable lack of Wi-Fi here it's probably a habitual practice... Dial-up can be unbearably slow without selling something to foreign deities. I presume that you found something better than bleach to get the stains out then?" I commented, mildly perplexed by the way that this had been taken. I will take this moment to inform you that although I don't lie much, or often, I am quite capable of doing so surreptitiously. I do believe it comes with the territory of being a sociopath.