Friendship is Magic

Cricket

I'd been tipping back in my chair absentmindedly, completely absorbed in another amazing bite. It was glorious. So glorious that it made me feel like I could do simply anything, like ... Perhaps I could try my hand at the clicking thing again. So I di--

A sudden voice, "What are you doing."

Holy hell I whistled as my feet attempted to fly beneath the table as they were supposed to be, but instead propelled me so that the next thing I knew I was dazed and toppled over on the floor, chair beneath me.

Well, shit.

"...Sitting upside down, as a matter o' fact. It's quite comfortable, actually."

Mr.Face:

I do believe I startled him into falling out of his chair. Serves him right for sitting so bizarrely in the first place. "You do realise that keeping WITH the force of gravity would have assisted you against the sudden change in force and momentum you just experienced?" I asked, sitting myself back down at my seat.

Cricket

"I do what I want." I crossed my arms behind my head and kept there with my legs in the air. I had to wonder how long he'd been there before he actually talked.

Mr.Face:

"Really? In someone else's house? You think that is a wise decision?"I asked, carefully not eating while I was in danger of talking.

Cricket

"Gravity applies t' more than your 'ouse, mate, aye? I do what I want when it comes t' gravity and myself."

I did feel somewhat ridiculous toppled over as I was, though I wasn't lying when I said it was fairly comfortable. Well, once you get over the slam of hitting the ground. I reluctantly rolled off, stood up, tipped the chair up by stepping on it and sat down again. "...So, ah. I 'ave t' admit, th' clicking-seeing thing's 'arder than it looks. 'Ow long did it take you t' figure that one out, hm?"

Mr.Face:

I was pleased when he decided to reacquaint himself with proper sitting techniques. Good decision there.

He mentioned echolocation. I had to wonder if he'd been sitting here in his own bizarre way of sitting and trying to echolocate while I was gone. That must have been hilarious. "I had the basics sorted properly at age six...though that is an exceptionally generous use of the word "sorted". More like: clinging to facts based on algebraic deduction and attaching one shoulder to a wall at all times. That faded quickly though." I explained briefly.

Cricket

I plucked the somewhat-unused fork from the table and used it to pick around my plate for anything that might still happen to be there, running his words through my head. Six years, aye? Not counting the couple of years he probably had no clue what anything to do with anything was, because . . . honestly, how much could a two-year-old know about seeing with ears? Not to mention the somewhat unrelated thought that Mr. Face had to have been a two-year-old at one point, which was somewhat hard to imagine at all. That was simply odd, is what it was.

"Hm . . . that's interesting."

I frowned down at my plate after a minute of searching to no avail.

Mr.Face:

"How so? How long did it take you to learn to navigate effectively?" I asked, uncertain as to what was meant by the simple statement of "interesting".

I hazarded another bite of dinner, deciding to simply... wait until I was sure I wasn't going to skewer myself again prior to responding to any questions.

Cricket

" 'ow long it took t' . . . I ah, let's see." I slid my plate forward and propped an elbow where it used to be, fist to chin. "I 'aven't a clue, really, no definate answer. Started covering my eyes a few years back, took t' like it . . . lived in th' dark for a couple years a couple years after that. Took me a little while t' figure out th' whereabouts of things, but after that? Walk in th' dark, walk in th' park." I smiled a tad. "Unless, o' 'course, th' place is new. In those cases, I 'ave t' figure th' whereabouts all over again."

Mr.Face:

"Rote memorisation of geographical features then? Makes sense. I utterly detest new locations...though mostly as a result of the prerequisite travelling. Echolocation allows for instantaneous processing of new locations though, which is quite nice." I commented after making quite sure that I was in no danger of skewering myself a second time.

I had a sip of Pellegrino. This actually wasn't going badly. I think. Weird, certainly... but not bad.

Cricket

"Aye, that'd be nice," I said, pulling a knee to my chest. It was odd sitting right for too long. "But as said, I get by with shadows and such when I need to. Flashes o' images. I wouldn't need t' real fancy listening stuff, unless I 'appened t' suddenly go blind, which . . . well, now that I recall, there was some drunk stranger I ran into who told me 'e was going t' pluck my eyes out and put 'em on a shelf, but that's unlikely."

Mr.Face:

"It would be unsanitary. Putting eyes on shelves... You'd need to embalm them first or something...Wise to ignore him, probably. He had no idea what he was talking about." I concurred. "Though sudden blindness is hilarious to listen to. Really, I could lend you tapes." I was grinning again, though, this was for more...mundane reasons.

Cricket

"NAH no I'm good, thanks-- wait, you tape people? Nonono, I'm perfectly fine right 'ere, not listening t' people going suddenly blind, thank you. You can grin at that on your own time, mate, a'right?" I sat further back in my chair and whistled something quietly, like a mutter.

Mr.Face:

"I have taped people, Yes. Unfortunately a lot of the resonance is lost... but...It's still a good laugh." I stated. I was now also grinning at his discomfort. Part of me just wanted to bring up something like frantic heart palpitations in electric shock victims, just to listen to the ranting that came out of him. Really. This was amusing.

Cricket

" 'oly 'ell, friend . . . I find you particularily revolting." I was reminded who exactly I was talking with, and Cellblock Five came rushing back. Sent a chill up my spine that I tried to hide. Blood running, bones snapping, trying not to scream . . . he taped people going through that? He listened to that, to laugh.

Oi my my. Stop thinking. I whistled a phrase or two, a mindless tune, to get myself off those thoughts.

Mr.Face:

I realised that perhaps revulsion was not something that potential friends had for one another. ...Oops. "I overstepped a line somewhere didn't I?" I inquired, trying to get the smile off my face. ...It was just... such good comedy...

Cricket

I cut off my whistling. Igh. I hated my mind sometimes. A few unanticipated sentences, and the bad memories sprank out of the back of my mind like a jack-in-the-box. "Per'aps I only don't quite see 'ow you could find any of that t' be anything at all . . . enjoyable."

Mr.Face:

"And you're quite certain I wouldn't somehow... accidentally offend your sensibilities by explaining the underlying humour of such events?" I asked uncertainly. I was trying to make a friend. Which... was proving difficult I thought. So... I didn't want to compromise my chances by discussing unwelcome topic by misinterpreting a rhetorical question.

Cricket

"You like th' sound, and that's all I know," I said, uncertain myself. As much as I wanted to not think about the topic, I was also cautiously curious. The way screams sound . . . I could understand, in a small way, how he liked the way it resounded off the walls. On a personal level, no and never. Why it could be funny, I had no clue. I hated to wonder, but I had to wonder. " . . . Go on."

Mr.Face:

"Alright. So... here's the simple rundown on why I find things hilarious. One: People run the same gamut every single time. There's about...fifteen variations on a death, I've found, and people all run through one of the setups, pretty much entirely textbook. The frequency with which I get X type of person makes them funny on their own, because it's like: Well, I've already heard that ninety times, why are you any different?

"Two: Wordplay. There's just something inherently funny about the blind man ripping out eyes...Irony and whatnot make for brilliantly funny dialogue sets. Though most of the soliloquies I happen across are in themselves hilarious. As if they matter. As if I don't know they're suffering. That is the whole point of the exercise. The sheer number of obvious statements and utter redundancies is amusing in and of itself.

"Thirdly: They're so... desperate. The naivete that they all demonstrate is utterly hilarious. They know where they are. They know the probability. Therefore they ought to spend more time praying to ceiling cat instead of trying to bargain with the guards. People are just so stupid it's funny.

"I think that that about covers it frankly...though really some of that was oddly worded due to...well... enthusiasm, I do think. So...Apologies for that." I finished up.

Cricket

Was it bad that I was now wondering what the fifteen variations might be? I slowly drew out of an internal wince as he kept talking, though, not all the way. It was still torture. It was still terrible. It still hurt to think about seriously at all. But yet, I was still curious. People . . . people were interesting.

". . . Th' variations. Out o' curiousity . . . what are they?"

Mr.Face:


"Oh you have the beggars, the barterers, the: Holier than Thou condescension that stops as soon as you stick a tuning fork in a place that it shouldn't go... You all are actually responsible for the entire plotter department... so, congratulations there. You have those who scream from the moment you walk in to the moment you unhinge them from the wall, and those who refuse to scream "no matter what". You have the fatalists. You have the optimists. You have the ones who try to bribe you. They're funny because you can take their money and then shoot them..." I stopped in the middle of that to have a bit of a chuckle about that. "You have the pathetic whiny bags of flesh who are more annoying to deal with than satisfying. Occasionally I get a masochist... and then things are really fun...Unfufilling but fun. I've had two ridiculous fangirls. Two is enough for all eternity. There are trolls, and there are sarcastic imbeciles. It's especially funny because they all end up the same way eventually... mounted on a wall and screaming hysterically. People are all the same underneath. One big ball of unintelligible screaming." It occurred to me that I might have left out one or two groups, but... I'm sure the impact was still there.

I had another bite of food, knowing that that would take a second to process most likely.

Cricket

The terms and descriptions just kept rolling, except for an unnerving chuckle. I couldn't help but see myself in some of the listed. Occasionally a fatalist, occasionally an optimist ... Had I ever been a beggar? And above that, a plotter. The entire department. ... I was a tad bit proud of 'us all' for that. In an odd way. "...I see. Congrats accepted on th' plotter bit. Though I can't 'elp but wonder which might you be." It was another thought that wasn't meant to be spoken aloud . . . whoops. "Pardon."

Mr.Face:

...What. "That subject is not open for discussion at the moment, nor will it ever be, due to its inherent irrelevancy." I snapped immediately. I did not want to think about any circumstances under which my life would be threatened in that way. Though...once I became immortal, it would be very much a non issue, so...really I wouldn't have to think about it then either.

Cricket

"Oi my my, it's only a question, Mr. Face, it won't kill you. And I said pardon; it slipped out." I tried to sit normally again, moving cautiously. "A guy can tell a lot about a guy from 'is last moments, aye?"