The Disability Chat

Cricket

I saw T.Mor look at me out of the corner of my eye.

You know . . . I wasn't actually all that hungry. If I was, I could wait. No more too-clean people in too-clean rooms with too-clean tables all in a row. Oi my my, T.Mor . . . chairs, clothespins, surgery, silence, too much to think about. Suddenly, I'd had enough thinking for a while. I couldn't escape the thoughts surrounded by all of strange walls and faces, but perhaps I could if I ran off to that odd little room of ours for a while. Shut my eyes. Shut everything out. Or . . . something.

Something caught my eye on the paper, and I glanced down.

Or . . . something. It faded, but it was there. Then I realised the way my lips were poised, that I'd been whistling, at least that bit. And I couldn't hear it.

. . . Aye, not that hungry at all.

"Not too hungry," I thought I said, to the doctor, but I looked at T.Mor.

T.Mor:

Cricket had kinda been whistling...but then he kinda realised it and looked surprised about it and stopped. ...It really must be bad for him to not be able to like... hear all that, I mean...not realising if you accidentally say something out loud or...or what. uhm.

The doctor kinda looked at him all... confused as well, but let it slide after Cricket changed back to English.

But, anyway... I was actually really...relieved that he didn't feel really hungry because then... then we could go back to the room...and...and I could lie down... and... yeah...

"...Alright then. You can't actually skip lunch per se, however, we can just change it so that your lunch arrives in your room, if that would be better for you." He told us.

"... ..Yeah...uhm...can... can we do that...? I... I don't... it's... yeah..." I said awkwardly, just really relieved that Cricket was kind of feeling the same kind of way I was...and... again... Sitting up was getting all... weird...and painful... so...

"Sure. Let me just place a call... And then someone will be here in a minute to help you guys back to your room...ok?" He didn't really wait for a reply before turning to a little clean desk kind of thing and calling up someone. It wasn't anything really..important sounding...just him asking if we could get lunch sent to our room today...like he'd said he was going to have to do.

...I still didn't understand why we had to eat so much... but...whatever...

As he was finishing up with that one of the assistant guys showed up...and I kind of recognised him I thought... I think he helped me with my pyjamas...

"Going back to the room, right?" He asked...all... nicely.

"...Yeah..." I muttered, pulling up on my brakes so he could drive me without making a nasty screechy noise of the brakes on the wheels.

Cricket

I walked beside T.Mor, wondering why I couldn't push him myself and then remembering that I only barely had a grasp of the building. I wasn't sure whether or not I was supposed to take the magic paper or not. But then, nobody said anything. I snuck it right on out with me.

A few similar-seeming hallways, and we came to a room that looked quite a bit like ours. Not that every other room didn't look quite a bit like ours, but we stopped at this one.

T.Mor:

He wheeled me into our room once we got there through some...crazy mess of same looking hallways...On the ride down I kinda glanced back at Cricket and realised that he still had the magic paper... that would make things easier...and then he left me kinda near my bed. This was going to be alright... but of course, I remembered then that I actually needed help getting into the bed if I wanted to lie down. ...And I wanted to lie down.

"...uhm... can...can you..hold on...?" I asked, kinda waving slightly to get his attention on his way out of the room.

I caught him just in time. "...Wha--oh, What is it you needed?" He walked back into the room like it was totally fine...whatever I needed...or...wanted or...anything.

"...I... Uhm...I... can you help me... with, uhm... I... can I lie down...?" I muttered, kinda looking at my knees instead of him.

"...Oh. Yeah, of course." He pulled the thing that kept my feet off the ground out from under them, and I watched my feet land on the floor. Then there was the fast...kinda terrifying experience of... being standing but not being able to feel it...and then I was sitting on the bed.

I tried to figure out on my own how to make it so I could lie on my stomach... but that didn't really end up working, so the assistant guy had to help with that too... and finally I was comfortably on my bed, with no pressure on my back.

If I didn't hate sleeping...I could have just passed out right there. This was...so...nice... I mean, I didn't realise how much sitting was bothering me today until I wasn't doing it.

Cricket

I slipped into the room and sat on the other bed as T.Mor was helped into his. Placed the paper next to me and drew a knee to my chest, closed my eyes for a moment. Holy Hell, that was beautiful. Sweet darkness, oi my my, thank the devil I had eyelids. I'd almost forgotten darkness after staring at white walls for so long.

When I opened my eyes, the doctor guy was gone. I kept some hair in my face, but looked over to see T.Mor on his stomach. The paper didn't say anything at the moment. Let him lie there, or talk?

I decided to keep quiet, but kept the paper near.

T.Mor:

I rolled my head over to look at Cricket after a minute of enjoying not being sitting. It was really quiet in here...But, I didn't know if I wanted to break the silence or what...because... I mean... what do I say? ...I mean, part of me wanted to say something... just for the sake of talking... just to like... I don't know... I didn't want to think about everything. ...I wanted to just... have everything be all...calm.

...I glanced at my mattress for a minute, staring at the wrinkles in my fancy white sheets. After I was done doing that I kinda just awkwardly waved at Cricket from where I was lying. Like a..."hi... let's uh,...let's...anything really" kind of wave.

(On grandma's comp, but not sure how long I will be able to be. Phone dead)

Cricket

It took a small while for me to notice a shadow of something moving in the corner of my eye. I reached around for my paper and swung my legs over the side of the bed so I was facing him.

"Doing a'right?" I tried to make my voice sound less uncertain than it might have been, though that's hard to do when you can't hear how your voice sounds in the first place.

T.Mor:

It took him a minute to realise I was waving...but then he swung around to face me, which was convenient.

...Though...wasn't that a loaded question. ...Uhm. He kinda sounded a bit wobbly with that, but I wasn't sure if it was because he was unable to hear himself or because he was just like... not sure about everything or something...

I thought about it a moment. ...Was I doing alright. ...uhm. I spent a minute looking at the wrinkles on my bed again, thinking. "...I'm... ...I'm... ...uhm. ...Ok..." I decided to say, figuring that that was... kinda... I don't even know what I was wanting to say anymore.

"...How...how about you...? Are you...ok?" I asked after another minute of not saying anything.

Cricket

The magical paper was particularily awesomely convenient, though . . . I missed the old way of talking, where I could simply hear without eyes and every now and again catch a glimpse of facial expression through my hair. It was a win-some-lose-some of face and words, except no matter what now I lost tone.

I paused, then nodded. I found my hand back up at my neck again, like it'd started doing that of its own accord. "A'right . . ." I almost brought up the surgery idea, but then remembered that I'd been trying to not think about that. So, I made myself smile a tad.

T.Mor:

"That's...good..." I replied with a bit of a weird little smile in return, though I couldn't really make it look all the way real... it was like... I guess, a theoretical smile.

I couldn't decide whether I actually wanted to talk about anything or not...because I just wanted to pretend it didn't matter... I wanted to pretend that I was just lying here waiting for six PM to come so I could get up and force myself to go to work... and... I couldn't convince myself that I wasn't lying...basically.

I also kind of wanted to talk... but not... like... I don't know.

"...so...erm." I added after another pause of not knowing what even to say... I moved both my hands so that they were sitting on the bed about parallel with my ears, making it easier for me to lie there, still watching Cricket over my fingers.

Cricket

I shrugged, not quite knowing what to say. " . . . So . . . ah . . ." I glanced down at my fingers, and after a moment of thought, drummed them on the bedside. That was so odd, seeing something hit something else silently. ". . . Like watching . . . one o' those old movies, I think . . . without th' sound, y'know . . ."

T.Mor:

...Waitaminute there were movies with no sound...? That was a weird discovery. "...there... there are movies with no sound...?" ... YouTube had never told me that. "We should get one...and...and watch it one night... we can stay up all night watching...I dunno....whatever movies come with no sound..." The first thing that actually came to mind was Silent Hill on mute...and that sounded horrible....I blamed Riddle for that... egh... no pyramid head here. No. No no no.

I was kind of glad to be talking about something that had absolutely nothing to do with...like... serious things... because like... it wasn't... I didn't have to think about the serious things. ...kind of...I mean, like... erm... but mostly...in a way.

Cricket

I broke into a more genuine smile, reading that. "So I've 'eard . . ." I said with a nod, then nodded again. "I'd like that."

T.Mor:

And then Cricket was smiling. Like...really smiling. Which...was really nice to see. "...yeah...we'll... we'll just ask about...about Netflix...or...or Hulu or something... and...and then you can just stream it all from...from the Internet...without commercials or anything..." ...though ok...Silent commercials would be kind of...cool to see....but the Internet gave us the gift of commercial free viewing..so... why not use it?

Cricket

I had no idea whatsoever what a Netflix or a Hulu was, but it sounded fun. I just nodded again and flashed a grin.

It was lovely to be talking about silent movies and smiling.

T.Mor:

"I bet...I bet...we can ask the...the uhm, the guy who drove me today... ...he's... he's really nice... I mean... like... he helped me with... ...uhm... with...other... stuff..." I continued about the silent movies...because... like, it was nice, and not scary...and...it made things kinda normal feeling and... yeah...

And then I kind of wanted to be lying on my side so I could see Cricket better and because it was getting kind of uncomfortable to be where I was now... and that kinda shattered the feeling of...of nothing being wrong a little... but... it was just... uhm.

Luckily though, I figured out that I could like...flip myself kind of by putting my farther away shoulder under me and kinda twisting... and then pulling myself sideways at the waist a bit so I wasn't hurting my back by it all being all... not straight... Took a little while to do though.

Cricket

I nodded again. My grin softened when I noticed how much effort it took him to simply move a little, but I wiped the expression off my face like dust to keep the grin on. "Aye . . . I could ask 'im."

T.Mor:

I noticed Cricket's face kind of...shift a bit for a second while I was rearranging myself...I mean, it was gone in a second...that face, but like...I didn't...I mean, I felt bad about... like... He had his own problems to be dealing with...and...like... I wasn't... I mean... he shouldn't be all... how he was...just then.

"...Sorry..." I said almost immediately, and then kind of looked at the bed again and kind of fidgeted with my sheets for a minute.

"...Yeah... You could--... We should ask tonight...at... at dinner..." I went back to the original subject...still kind of like...all fidgety. "...Also... ..why...why do we eat so much here...? I mean...like...it's... weird..."

Cricket

I shook my head when he apologized, but before I could say something he'd jumped subjects.

Oh bother, this question I couldn't nod to. I had a lot to say in my head, but it simply didn't . . . blurt itself out like it used to. " . . . Most people eat more than . . . well . . . once every few days, so . . ." I shrugged.

T.Mor:

"...Oh... Ok. That's... ...Weird." I answered and then kinda got quiet...because like... I felt as though a lot of the easier subjects had kinda... I mean...how long are you suppoused to be able to talk about food being weird...?

So...then I kinda lied there awkwardly alternating my view between the bedspread and Cricket.

Cricket

I half-chuckled. Or, I think I did. It felt like it. "Welcome t' th' average world?"

T.Mor:

"...The average world...is...weird. ...And... eats a lot..." I said, glad that he found something else to say about something that wasn't something scary. "I mean...Once a day was lot...and so...I mean...this...this is crazy..."

Cricket

I smiled a tad. "Better than no food . . . but aye."

T.Mor:

...Well, ok... that... that was a good point. I'd rather have way too much food then no food...but it seemed like... overkill or something... all this food. "...Well... yeah... anything is better than no food..."

Cricket

My smile widened. "See . . ." I kicked back on my bed. "It's like free living 'ere . . . free food, free beds . . . not so bad, aye? After a while," I said as I tried to imagine T.Mor's voice saying the words on the paper.