Wolfsbane

Wolf
I let my head fall back, bash into the tree with slightly more force than necessary. "Don't worry," I tell him quietly, closing my eyes so I wouldn't have to see that expression on him. That was a funny concept...

He probably didn't. The Alphas sent him after me. Wasn't even his choice. I swallow down the taste of blood, and my mouth still waters. I didn't understand why any of them should care about me. The clear danger. The one who might as well be called...what was it... Pureblood? The one who barely recognized authority, because the wolf never had anything to order her about. Just me, and clearly, that wasn't going very well.

"...Still pathetic." Because I couldn't do anything right. All these people had a handle over this thing, in a quarter of the time I've been this way.

Axel

I listen, my eyes growing surprised, and then troubled, then come to show an intensity of sorts. But I didn't really think on any other terms besides what I knew. My human emotions were...difficult at times... They'd come rear their heads, such as now, and just seem to punish me with confusion.

My ears flick back for a second, I give a little grumbled yowl, taking a half step forward to nuzzle her head up. Stop your moping, I know you as so much more than that!

"It is no one's fault. No one could have controlled what has happened, what is or what will happen as well," I start, not exactly sure where to go with the rest of it. "...You are not deserving of that fate either, Namine..." Clearly, I wouldn't force her out of her place. "You were my Alpha before I came to this position. ...You have been my Alpha. You still are." Blunt, very blunt... I wasn't one to doddle with speech as she was.

Because of my move, I'm struck by our proximity. A bad move...? I didn't know. This was simply the closest we've been in a while. Not the first time, certainly...or so my memory went.

Joslien~

I watched him carefully. "Why dont you fight me in human form mhm...?" I asked a slight icyness in my voce. My eyes looked aorund the place for a set of escape if it turned out to not be in my favor. My focus returned to his. "Come on... or are you scared...?" I asked, a smirk danced on my lips.

Jon
I scoff at her, opening my arms up to her to try something. "D'you even know why your society created Banshees in the first place?" I ask her, completely dumbfounded by her attitude. We were stronger than normal humans, in every way, no matter which form. The muscle built by running on all fours nearly all of my life stayed as a human - and if I was simply human, that size would be enough to take down most other humans. But no, I was wolf. I had my endurance, my instinct, my predator tendencies...

Joslien~

I watched him for a long while. "I know why we did... doesnt mean I like it." I said watching him. "You know... you treat me as if I dont know anything... as a matter of fact I do know things thank you very much." I said with a hint of anger. I took a step towards the right, watching my footwork. I could be silent if I needed to. Of course not as silent as the Banshee but it didnt matter. My muscles where storng and had been wired in a sense to make quick and easy escapes or even attacks.

"No," he grumbled almost immediately after the words left her mouth. His voice was low, solidly chastising her. White teeth reared in a slight snarl, edging over the side of his lower lip, adding to the smoldering fierceness of his eyes. She didn't have to look at him to know the way he was looking at her right know. Did she honestly believe that?

"Look at the rest of us, then look at yourself. Life took pity on us. You really think that we could muster enough strength to go through what you do every day? Most of us would take death like the cowards we are." Jiro's tone was as simple and resolute as it had been throughout the entire exchange. But there was a hidden depth to it, like in his gaze. He had to make her understand.

"We'll never be on the same level as you. You've never been and you'll never be pathetic." I never want to hear you say that again.

~

Something of a grimace pinched her fur-covered features as she faltered again. There was something in his touch... the closeness. It wasn't exactly an unwelcome disarming, though she could tell it wasn't initially intentional. And that was fine with her at the moment, seeing as she'd forgotten to draw away from him.

"I'm sorry." It was all she could think to say, practically repeating herself like a broken record. Namine's eyes slid over him, picking up on his bout of apprehension while she herself remained relaxed. Apparently, their minds wondered within the same realm - memories from a time where things led to a more... intimate time in their partnership giving her mind quite a trip. She took such an opportunity to lean against him, more than her expression growing tired.

It irked her how often she found herself envying just how young he was; in not one but many ways.

"Why? Why are you fool enough to be so good to me?"
______________________

(OOC: You'll have to forgive me. It's shameful, but it serves its purpose well enough.)

(Jon muse dead...)

Wolf
I freeze, eyes opening to watch him in a cold blue stare, breath hitching and body tensing one second but relaxing the next. Completely so. My hand leaves my claw pricked arm to be limp between my legs. A snarl. A challenge. The show of teeth and claw, the intensity of his look. Mistake. The words lost meaning, a wildness taking my thoughts, emotions, expression...

I roll forward from my crouched position, paws settling on the ground instead of hands. Scruff raised, eyes on this challenger with the intensity of pure instinct. A huff set a cloud of mist to surround my muzzle, baring stark white canines contrasting against my dark grey-black coat.

Axel
I didn't really have an answer, and the question had me unsure about everything. Foolish? Was that the feeling of being a pup around her? It was not foolishness; I was not a fool. I always took that as inexperience. As her being the elder that she had been and is compared to me. I give a grumbled growl, nipping at the thick mane of her neck in a mock punishment before simply resting my head atop her neck to show affection.

"What would you have me do?" I ask her, seeking a cure to this mindlessness. My head felt blank, always wondering if the next step might prompt a crack in the ice. For better or for worse, however? Will it reveal spring growth or the death trap of frozen waters... "What do you want of me?"

I nose her, licking her cheek in a further display of the instinctual impulse. An absent mind of the human prompted that of the wolf, without much of an idea of what it might cause. But she was my Alpha, my partner, my should-be mate...

(( :o No it ish not! Fine work indeed.))

He should’ve seen this coming. More than likely, some part of him did, but the wolf gave the standard reaction. The growl that resonated like a thunder clap within his chest had made it out before he could’ve even thought it over. And if he had been given the chance to do so, would he have...? Jiro knew the answer was no, never being that type to begin with. His eyes had narrowed from the moment hers had opened to meet them, body tensed with muscles like tight coils ready to spring when it was a wolf in front of him and no longer a girl. Fur bristled, the continuous sounds making it past clenched barely snarling teeth mimicked the idle motor of truck, low, and yet far more threatening. And it took everything he had in ignoring the itching urgency of such a dangerous situation and the feral adrenaline spurring his nerves to instead lie flat, turning to bare his neck to her.

The sign of submission was a low blow to his pride, seeing as he would be one of the last ones to back down. He was all testosterone(sp?). But despite the wolf clawing at his every sense, he knew he would have more wounds than any the girl could ever give dealt to him by Namine should he even bat a claw at her. So, tense as a live wire, Jiro stayed hunkered to the ground, orbs of blood boring into eyes of ice. He wanted to close them, to shut him away from the outside and give him more of a sense of peace so that he could try and sedate the warring mongrel inside of him, but he couldn’t afford to take his attention off of such a prominent threat.

~

This is what it all came down to – these comfortable, unguarded moments. She hated this part... which was why she allowed so few. She could walk with him, talk with him, interact and even entertain false pleasantries with him, but Axel was smart enough to know that he couldn’t worm himself past Namine’s defenses without her consent. Thus the reason for the vague “walking on eggshells,” so to speak, atmosphere that hung carefully beneath the calm between them. She did feel guilty, knowing it wasn’t without effort that the Alpha pursued their connection... but the guilt could only go so far when the shewolf started to think about just what it was that he did to her. He certainly took great care around her (as stated above), and it was that very effort that the male put forth, testing her sanity in feeding the vulnerability she sought to grind into oblivion; fed it so much, in fact, that it threatened to override every lick of common sense that she still possessed.

It was in these moments that she actually believed in Axel enough and wholeheartedly wanted, with such an irrational desire that it nearly splintered her insides, to tell him that she was crazy.

So sick in the head sometimes that she just wanted the wolf to take its human counterpart out of exsistence just so that she didn’t have to deal with it anymore. Then there finally could be silence, for once, with no more ripping conflictions or blind desperation to just... CRY, but no place to do it. To be driven forward by nothing but primal instincts. The sickness would be the wolf’s problem then. Not Namine’s. Because there would be no more Namine. She’d sat not long ago with her face up to the moon, eyes reflected like marble and hair shining like metal in the night, thinking what they’d call her if she ever would be coward enough to let the wolf have dominance. Among the obvious insults... Rabid? Probably a Pureblood.

She was probably not far from a Pureblood now, anyway.

No, there was nothing that Namine hated more in the entire world than these moments with Axel. They, he, made her a fool; not him. Making her weak enough to cave into almost telling him these things, softening the guard around her secrets. That was what he was hoping for, and it made it her unbearably sad to wake up and see the truth; it wasn’t sensible. No matter how strongly he had her believing the opposite. It wasn’t safe. For either of them. Although she knew undoubtably he thought different, kept in the dark despite having his theories, she was protecting him. What she had told him before was true: Axel was a good man. And thinking long and hard about freeing up her position was the only way she could she could think of repaying him for years of... her. She honestly didn’t expect him to not agree with it, no matter how good of a man he was. Hell, if she was in his position, she wouldn’t have even HESITATED in kicking her own ass out. But that was the difference between them. Though he was younger, he was steady.

Watching him, there was amusement in her eyes... nothing else. The rest lingered behind formless shadows. She surfaced, letting heavier things sink as they were and separated from them for the moment, so they wouldn’t drag her down too, balancing with things that were light. Such as the Alpha’s warmth. His affections. And she nearly smiled.

Maybe it was fate. Giving her someone to balance out everything that was uneven about her? Or just more idealistic notions brought by that damn parasite called hope. Or just... more delusions.

“What would I have you do?” she echoed after a moment, turning her gaze up to him. Then she drew away, slowly, to sit back on her haunches and face him, serious.

“Complain about me to my face. Everything you have a problem with, right now. That is all I want of you.”

Wolf
She stalks forward in a bounding jog to quickly close the distance, even as he shows submission. He needed to know his place. He was not above her, not at all. She was the only thing in her domain that commanded her actions. NOTHING CONTROLLED HER.

Jaws open ready to punish, surrounding his exposed neck. Taste blood and flesh and bone. The yearning was so strong, it's own being to drive on this beast to a red bath. The color of his eyes only a reminder of what lay beneath the surface, the driver pushing forward to drive it from its home in rivers. Calling a chant of kill, kill, kill...

I freeze again suddenly, a chance breath to stir air and scent to mix a reminder of who and where. If it was anyone else, any other being... Just another addition to those faces I see in my nightmares. I swallow nothing, jaws not closed upon his scruff. I back away, close my maw to stare at him blankly. Everything's saying to run. I'm humiliated, again taken over and what? Almost killed someone of the pack? Just run away again. Pain flashes across my eyes. Couldn't be helped. It was just...my nature...

No, I wanted the retribution. I needed it. I even shift human again so that I couldn't even fight back when it hurt. And I wasn't scared, because I deserved anything he did to me. I hurt his pride, his place in the order of things and I didn't have the right to do so.

Axel
Her movement snapped back the wolf, words bringing the human back. Only to confuse both sides again. Problems...? She did not - ...Well - ...

I could only speak out my thoughts of her. But there was nothing wrong when it came down to her function within the pack, which was the only thing I really concerned myself with.

"I... I know I cannot relate. I have never lost anything close to what you have lost, so I know that I cannot understand. But you are absorbed with the past, when you are needed in the present. And sometimes you do come forward in time to concern yourself with what is happening around you. With Wolf, or Adam...other disputes that require your attention... It is always the past to consume you the most. If you were still able to be with your mate, your siblings... If you could have done something different to allow them to live... If you were younger than you are, for me. If people noticed the unnoticeable. But it cannot be changed, so I do not understand why you concern yourself so much with all of these thoughts...

"You hide things from everyone, when we are your family. You are like a cavern with your secrets, so that they go to extraordinary depths and convoluted pathways to have anyone get so lost immediately. When these things concern the pack, or me - things you should share. When they concern you, because it is only eating away at you like the vultures. Because I worry about you, not simply as my Alpha and now as my partner, but as a member of my family who guided me growing up. So when I am given the chance to guide you, you turn away and refuse me the opportunity."

My tone was not at all complaining, but the usual: simply stating it all bluntly because that was what she wanted. I do slip up, however, giving into a bit of frustration. "And...It's been seven years already, Namine... This is unnatural for me, because I do not know the human ways of things. The only examples I have for this is with you and the late Alpha before me, and what instinct tells me to be correct. And this goes against both..." My voice takes on a growl towards the end with my confusion. "You are supposed to be mine now. Isn't your wolf saying so? The impulse should be there, but I have been unsure about your mind in recent times." I admitted it before I even thought about what I was saying.

Jiro’d been fully aware as he braced himself for the mauling of the smaller shewolf’s ravanous(sp?) jaws; those sharp, aching teeth that sought his blood. His life. And he’d been prepared to take any measures to ensure that he didn’t harm her. But it never came. The shadow that she casted over him, with those hard, murderous eyes fastened onto him like the next prey... It retreated.

He waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And he began to relax, ever-so-slowly, with his mind still buzzing and wild with the fact of a potential predator out for him. Then, warily, he got up, pushing onto all fours and rose to look at her. He walked a few paces forward, watched her, and laid down again just like before, remaining silent. Muscles still stood out beneath the thick weight of his black fur, and even though he closed his eyes, Jiro wore tension like a overzealous neon sign. But he laid there without the slightest worry.

~

There is not one thing he can say that you aren’t prepared to hear. And in one sense, it was true. But no one can predict the emotions that someone’s words will play on. Especially if it’s a person that has you in the palm of their hand and doesn’t even realize that with one motion, you could be in shambles because they’re holding you so far off the ground.

Namine had fought from the very beginning. She fought with everything she had... and she still fought, much to the wolf’s chargin. When it first started, it was out of pain... out of bitterness and hate, and unfortunately, it was Axel who’d been there to take the blunt force of it. At times she’d honestly question if the reason for such a prominent human side wasn’t, in fact, her illness. If she was so caught up in her own mind that it ended up drowning out and subduing the wolf. Never for long, though. As hard as the human fought to get away from such a pull to the Alpha, the wolf’s retailiation came infinitely stronger. There were some battles that instinctual desire would always come away with the upper hand...

He spoke of her living in the past, probably reaffirmed with the scene she had with Jiro. Damn him... It wasn’t the past she was living in. Not anymore. Although it still hurt, she knew it would never stop. They were a part of her; just like the scars marring her skin. She’d never forget them. However, no... it wasn’t the past. But how would anyone know that...? They wouldn’t. Let them believe what they want. It didn’t make a difference.

Namine sat back then, still listening with some part of herself while staring with suddenly guarded eyes, taking the Alpha in with a calm that made it seem as if time itself had stopped.

It was HIM. She was living beside herself, fending off the wolf’s attempts to get her to acknowledge the pull as Axel’s mate. Yes, at the beginning, the resistence was due to grief and selfish resentment... but later... it was overtaken by that pull. And then the fear set in, because of just how strong it was. Giving in to the instinct meant divulging something that could put the Alpha and their pack, her family, in danger – possibly even divide them. And that was something Namine would NOT do.

Knowing how greatly they worried for her... yet again it made her falter. She steeled herself against the shudder running along her spine, the heat behind her eyes, and the quivers of her stomach, meeting his gaze respectfully. He spoke of guiding her. How would he accomplish that if she didn’t even have a single clear path in front of her...? Everything within her, like he said, was just too... winding, complex, like that of an ever-changing maze. If she couldn’t follow it herself, it was no wonder everyone else got lost. All it was was shadows, perpetual and dark, with no end in sight. And he wanted to guide her through that?

It was sort of a hollow victory, from there hearing him address the matter of their estranged years together. It meant she had been successful in showing no changes between them. None of note, anyway.

It meant... he hadn’t the slightest idea of what his presence did to her; how unlevel she felt; how thin the thread was wearing. That’s how it needed to stay. But then he said something that struck her like a blow to the innards of her innards. Until it reached her bare soul. "...but I have been unsure about your mind in recent times." Her eyes, invariably wide, flew to his in a winded shock, though she should’ve expected it. From wolf to human the shift went, it seemed without her taking much notice. The woman’s eyes were so startlingly wrought with pain, but she didn’t seem to notice that either, smiling like she was. It was a strange, helpless, pleading smile, graciously pronouncing the little lines around her eyes as strong slender hands left the ground from where she sat on her knees, reaching out as if to touch the Alpha, only to stop short of meeting the gorgeous fur... fingers left trembling in the open air.

Namine’s voice nearly followed suit when she finally spoke. Out of everything she’d been so desperate to scream at him in all this time, what came out was:

“You’re getting warmer.”

Wolf
I watch his movements, apathy written out on my face for whatever would be done as he got up and came closer. Only to lie back down again in submission once more. "I'm not above you," I speak out raspy, like rocks grinding together. Hard and cold. "Don't. I need someone above me..." Maybe then, the wolf would learn to respect them. If it wasn't me to control her, didn't it have to be someone else? So that they could keep her in check, so that I would not hurt anyone as I nearly hurt him. Not again. My expression twists, my eyes shining and lip quivering.

I grab his mane to bring his head up above me, ignoring the sting of my hand and arm, the sight of blood somewhere else other than the color of his eyes. The feeling of flowing life that I've contemplated not stopping. Or maybe to eat some poisonous plant they said not to when it grows in the spring. Hemlock, or Nightshade, or Wolfsbane... He had spoken of strength, but I didn't have any. The wolf stopped whatever harmful actions I tried to do in the past. "Don't let her have power!" I plea with him, sinking down as I try to tug him up. And fear tinged by voice as I feel her protest from the actions, trying to swallow her back down.

Axel
I half expect a backlash at the confession, as what she had given Jiro the night before. As if I was still below her in the order of the pack, and I had stepped out of line. I had in my mind, to my old Alpha. But there would not be the lightning strike that would start off a storm. We were equal. That would be unacceptable.

"...I see you fight it, to keep it secret and hidden. You are so very calculated and careful around me to mask the wolf and your thoughts... It is a fight that I've seen even before the attacks on your family, as it is part of who you are. And I know because of those experiences that you can be so much more if the fight were directed elsewhere, where it was found before seven years ago. But it is not a bad thing, Namine... If I saw you as incapable of this position, I would have done what you wanted. To find someone else. To replace you. Because that is my job - to be sure that the pack is protected and in order. However it interferes with neither. You are just as dedicated to these things, if now more so to prevent another loss of life. That is why I do not care. I see no one else who may do the job as Alphafemale as you do. And age does not matter to me either, so long as you are capable of this job. And...yes, when it is time...when I see you as unable to do these things any longer, you will step down or be challenged. Go the path of the elders in the path to guide the young and inexperienced. Just as I will step down or be challenged for my rank when I am deemed unable to fulfill this responsibility," I explain, maybe to reassure her or simply explain why I haven't done what she asked of me yet.

Her arms are out to me, pain in her eyes no matter how she tried to hide it. The air was full of her, pheromones and mixed signals to try and get across some message of emotion, instinct, hidden thoughts... I take a slight step forward, moving as wolf while shifting human as she was. I guide an arm around me as I slip her into my arms, pull her close. These odd little moments dusted through the seven years, moments of intimacy in between the spans of time of coldness - like the space between the peaks of mountains. Perhaps it is about to plateau. The impulse is demanding, but I've dealt with it my entire life. It does not mean that I don't slip up on occasion. It is so much a part of me, I confuse it for myself sometimes. Nuzzling at her, prompting onward, my lips brush against hers...but that is all. I've resigned myself not to take from her, out of respect to my past leader.

She lifted his head, their eyes met, and his own flashed. He stood full height, bringing his front legs to station on either side of her form. Then his teeth were displayed again, vibrating with wild unmasked snarls that almost sounded like purrs in some right that filled his entire chest cavity with a deep buzz. Jiro was right in her face, his eyes bright, livid, and bleeding color. The snarls grew louder, broken off with a roaring growl as he did... He bit her. His canines swept and he jerked down, piercing the skin and nearly immediately drawing blood to the surface. But it wasn’t a harsh wound; more like a scare tactic. A flesh wound. And even though, yes, both sets of carnivorous teeth had made contact with her skin, he hadn’t bit through anything. No gore or fatalities. But there was harm. Because as soon as the wolf’s teeth set to flesh, there was a shift and Jiro lie over the girl, his tremendously dulled (but still sharp by human standards) canines were still clamped around her neck with bruising force.

Moments later, he opened his mouth, sitting back on knees to wipe the blood from his mouth with a tattooed wrist. His gaze was something nearly dead, but it was steady as it always had been. He didn’t look at her for long, though. Black hair fell into his russet-brown eyes as he took Wolf, one arm, one leg into his hands, remaining gentle but firm as he drew her close enough to slide one arm beneath her legs. The other reached around her back, supporting it as he simultaneously lifted her in his arms while getting to his feet. His limbs trembled just slightly under the effort, but still... he resorted to silence. Then he began to walk back.

~

She didn’t know if that was what she’d been hoping for, but before she knew it Axel’d pulled her close and her face had nestled into the depression at his shoulder. Palms braced flat against his chest, Namine shifted, and her gaze trailed along the exposed skin of his jaw.

That strong, strong jaw.

She looked away, her throat seizing tightly around the lump that swelled and swelled and swelled... but she didn’t want to talk anymore. And as he held her, the tips of her fingers pooling with the heat that he resinated like the nearly tangible bare essence of pure comfort, her body fell victim to racking tremors. Unyielding and hard as steel, her eyes gave not an ounce of moisture, clenching her teeth to remain soundless even as her mouth twisted and cringed.

He knows. But he still doesn’t have any idea. That’s a man for you, huh? And what’smore... he believes that I’m suited for this.

Namine sat there for quite some time. Not once did she sob. Not once did she hold to Axel, or call out his name. He held her – held her together, for the time being. She wanted to tell him he was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong... but was he? Not about everything. She knew how to lead, how to care... how to protect what was hers. She knew how to fight. So... maybe... she could try. She would. It seemed everyone thought they could work with her. Help her. Maybe they could. Or everything would just go to hell. But it would take actually TELLING them for anything to progress. Could she do that? No –yes–why would she want to?

The same million different reasonings.

Despite knowing she couldn’t do ALL that he was asking, she would make an effort. He deserved that. The pack as a whole deserved it. Then her face finally lifted; calm and smooth. She lifted a hand, letting the pad of her thumb motion across his lower lip, allowing herself to focus on that instead of his searching eyes.

“Did anyone get to hunt last night?”

Wolf
His force had me down on the ground, belly exposed with my hands still gripping his mane with no hope of fending his bite off - even if my strength was nearly on par with his, he was a wolf and that fueled his superiority. My breathing spikes by the adrenaline and pain, instinct yelling that this was a death strike. A position to die in like a dog. But at the same time I trusted him. He was the one with control, not me. I had nothing, even my name taken by the wolf.

I can smell the blood, feel the bruising under his hot breath. As he shifts I still grip his human hair until I feel his teeth loosen. And with them my fingers let go. I don't check my wounds; there's nothing I can do about them like the ones on my hand and arm. I don't fight as he moves me, picks me up, starts to take me back...

My head rests against his strong chest, but I feel him shaking. My hand moves to his shoulder. Hesitantly, I glance up at his face trying not to move my neck just yet. Just let the wounds stop. It wasn't a thank worthy task in his mind, I knew. I really didn't know what he was thinking, as he kept his face so blank. "...I could walk," I murmur, looking away at my lap once again. It seemed I couldn't help but be a bother.

Axel
It was a change of subject, as usual. I give a slow curt nod to answer the question, meeting her eyes. There had been a party sent out last night, yes. Adam had protested the invitation, despite the infection quickly taking away his ability to stomach human foods. It wouldn't be long now until he did not have the choice, unless he planned to starve himself. The young man was troubling, to say the least...

"Do you wish to go out for something small?" I ask her, if she truly wanted to run away from our current predicament. I would not stop her. I would not take from her. No matter how much her touch burned, igniting instinct, I could feel her shakes. We still needed to finish our patrol of territory anyway, so it would not be much trouble to find mice or some nocturnal scavenger.

I felt I shouldn't let her go though, and I wasn't sure if it was the wolf or human side telling me to do so. Or perhaps it was just the frustrating hope that she would finally let go this occasion, embrace what should be. She was one to tell me if I overstepped any limits, one way or another. My arms tighten around her, as if I could support her so much that her tremors would stop. As if holding the quivering leaves to their branches in a storm would have them stay attached any longer. Pieces trying to tear apart, but staying together out of will and strength...or maybe simply balancing there so precariously that they simply stayed together, but might fall apart any second.

“I know.” His simple reply.

It was as empty as his expression, and not once did he look down at her. She wasn’t really heavy. It was more the fact that Jiro could taste her. Just the way he would’ve had it been a kill ripped apart in his jaws. The tender ache warm flesh always gave him when it was pressed to his teeth. The metallic flavor of blood; bitter, heavy... not entirely unpleasant. But he knew it was just a taunt – a prodding from the other side of him that was less mindful. It wasn’t enough for that part of him.

The girl needed to be put in her place with a far more proper display of punishment.

His insticts craved to see her writhe and bleed until she knew, without a doubt. Jiro handled it like he did thoughts of his sister; the self-hatred that rose like a sea of rage behind his eyes, maddening him until he had half the nerve to drive a stone through his skull. He ignored it, kept walking. Suppressed it with a will that had a vein in his forehead sticking out, and shivered.

“Does it hurt?”

~

“No,” she answered after a moment, shaking her head.

Her hand dropped slowly, trailing down his chest between them as her head returned to his shoulder. I should apologize again, she kept thinking. Axel was watching her – always. But it was never a persistent gaze. ...Subtly expectant, simultaneously somehow wise and child-like, but never persistent. Uniquely his without label. He was so steady... those eyes of his... What would he think of constant apologies? Would it make him consider doing away with her? Why was she so insistent of parting with him?

A headache wormed its way to her temple without much warning prior. No wonder. “...such a busy mind,” she murmured low, her eyes drooping, casted down. Then, more consciously, her tone was simple, “I don’t want to move just yet.” The vulnerability still lingered, and it stung, feeling the wolf respond so prominently to her Alpha. Nature’s cure and comfort. The wolf sought it out from Axel, almost throwing it in her face that she wanted it, too. Sadness... worry... fear... the wolf saw it as easily remedied as relying on its partner to share in strength. Namine felt shameful in still wanting to cry. She didn’t let herself.

Wolf
"I've had worse..." I dismiss, my voice's volume running away from the subject as I say the words. It wasn't some competition, there wasn't any getting 'bested'. Something meant to be comfort could just as easily stir up a wolf, but I wasn't entirely sure who's. Just stop. Just relax. I hated this tension... So I find an excuse, laying a hand on his that wraps around my torso. "I shouldn't be bleeding in front of the pack..."

Even if Adam was maybe the only one on par with me who may lose his senses at the scent of red. I knew that he found elsewhere to sleep at night by himself, so it wasn't like I would be any trouble for him if he wasn't there... I still didn't like to so openly display the evidence of my struggles to all of them. And I didn't want the bite upon my neck to be read wrong to get Jiro into trouble. If he wasn't supposed to, or if someone took it that he attacked me - which was silly, since everyone knew I wasn't...balanced.

But maybe he just wanted to shame me in that way; I didn't much care. People who were above the wolf were needed if I couldn't do it, and when Axel or Namine wasn't around to put her in her place then there needed to be someone else. Most likely I needed to voice such an idea, otherwise he might submit to her again as he did and ruin everything. My head against his chest, I listen to his heart, and think of how close I came to ending it all. If there hadn't been a breeze, if I hadn't recognized his scent soon enough, if the wolf had buried me into the Red too far... There was far too much second guessing in my existence...


Axel

It wasn't any trouble to move her placid limbs, gently shifting her to a better position. There was always an arm that stayed around her, and when both returned around her frame I quietly guided us down to the riverstone strewn ground. There weren't any harsh edges as the water had washed all of that away to leave the smooth oval stones. Though hard compared to the pine needle bed of the clearing's floor, there wasn't anything uncomfortable about it. Namine rested mostly atop me despite the fact.

My eyes look away from her, to the stars that start to prick the night's black veil. And despite the serenity of the situation, there was a nagging ache to my head as well. Nothing that hurt, but simply a different piece that didn't want to nestle in with the rest of my thoughts. So much a part of my nature, and yet there were still these moments that man and wolf clashed within me. He demanded differently, persistently wriggling out from under my logic, always coming back to snap and snarl at my few human values. Few, but strong. These were concepts I had learned growing up which have become as natural as instinct's ease of drawing the wolf to solve wolf problems. Time tested, with reliable results, the human things that I could count on to produce just as efficient results...

Although the inner tantrum didn't read on my features, the intensity was stealing my attention. If my eyes were not the same color in my two forms, but I'd imagine they would flash as I've seen in other human states when their wolves are acting up. The change would be very slight in me - just something more animal-like in my green irises. Just steal her. Just make her mine. She barely deserved the choice anymore. There wasn't any other place for her other than to be by my side, why am I so incessant on allowing her some sort of in limbo position? Alpha, but not; only I could give such a right to her. Such a right gotten only when we were mated, to lead as one unit - one being...

These thoughts were scorned as soon as they appeared, each hurting my human side to make my chest ache. I kept her on my heart, her nearness such a comfort, but it drove the wolf mad with a pulsing desire to send more abrasive concepts at my human mind. These moments, there was always a confusion of what was what in me. I stuck to what I knew - my extreme ideas of what was human and what was wolf... I disliked that I couldn't do something else to satisfy both sides. So often in these moments, the human became disgusted at the wolf. Two sides of me warred, and the one that was most natural to me was nearly always declared evil and wrong...

Lying there with Axel presented her with more fear - more anxiety. . . welling up with a cruel patience, driving at the veins in her arms and the pit of her spine in a most uncomfortable thrum of pricks and pins, contradicting with the easy warmth of his own arm around her. Her heart-rate was spiked, but her breath was even, calm - she kept still and light, refusing to tense. She really had no reason for such dramatics aside from simply being... out of her element.

But that in itself succeeded to throwing the whole world to hell in her eyes.

The man beneath her had fallen silent, which was not unknown to the Alpha - he was but a prime young gorgeous specimen of meaningful few words.

This silence was... was not HIS silence. Not Axel's silence. His innards were thrown into a roil. And Namine could sense it; or, rather... the wolf could. What exactly was "it" though? Paranoid then arose, blooming into dark clouds that depicted her demise, his demise, until suddenly all was in chaos, and it all would've made for an hilarious story if she hadn't been so engrossed in their false sincerity. She shifted so minutely then twitching the tips of her fingers as they lay to his shoulder, and took a quiet breath to speak.

"You don't have to fight with it anymore, if it's because of me."

~

"We're not going back yet." Words fell back into silence for a time until, true to his word, they came upon the bank of a cold clear stream that veered off to the left of the trail leading to the pack. Jiro set her on her feet with a simple carefulness that was a wonder to explain. It just had be felt.

"Wash them out. Your neck, your hands; your arms."  

His eyes drifted away nearly from the moment they came to rest on her, almost as if he was disinterested. That wasn't the case; his face told nothing. Harboring such eyes that were steady, but aloof. His irritation was mostly at fault there. Passing by her, Jiro walked ahead and came down in a crouch on his heels by the water, catching water in his cradled palm in order to rinse out his mouth... afterward turning his head to spit it against the ground.

Bump.

(Just put this here so you'd know I finished.)

Axel

I hear her. Breathing normally contrasted with the quickening of her heart in the new situation. Her words brought the wolf again, insistent but easy to dismiss. "I do not wish to force anything upon you," I state. Though, in morbid curiosity, I run a light hand down her back intending comfort but testing reaction. I knew it was...unfair of me. "...Already you panic." My eyes flick down to stare at her, fixed as a wolf would challenge but that was the only hint of his stubbornness. It was...a near dare. To say or do something to prove otherwise. Somewhat edging her on, as my mind was fixed in allowing her to lead.

Wolf

I eye him silently before following the orders, much to the wolf's irritation but she submitted for now. Kneeling down beside him to just lay my forearms in the stream and allow the water to wash over wounds already healing. Icy. Numbing their sting to replace with the pins and needles of the fiery chill. I took care of my upper arms, flinching as I moved on to my raw neck.

Sitting back after on a rock, goosebumps rising from the water and settling chill of night, I set my arms atop my knees to let the water drip off and blankly stare at the passing waters. "...Yes, Beta," I nearly only mouth without sound. ...That wasn't bad, was it? I wasn't in any place to give him some position. But no, it wasn't official, just...for me. And that'd be okay? My fingers war together from nerves, picking to make nails short again.

Those golden words were ones that he spoke to her probably more often than anything else in their years. Her eyes flickered to stare at him, a stilled mouth threatening to give a bitter curl. He didn’t want to force anything upon her, huh? Well, wasn’t that a comforting thought.

“Why would you condescend me when I’m proposing for you to do it? How are you forcing anything?”

See, it didn’t matter what he wanted or didn’t want; not really. Because she knew from her weak will around him that she would concede with whatever it was that he sought. Her desire, although still vehemently denied to ALL parties involved, seemed to mock her in that respect, sort of ensuring that. Like now – even beneath the cloth of her shirt, Axel's touch left a lingering ghostly trail of heat to her skin. And as concentrated as she was, she hardly expected it; stiffening. Her heart hammered more intensely. This desire damned her. Even if to Namine it didn’t exist, it STILL damned her. That pull that wasn’t necessarily primarily physical in itself… but just for him. She had long ago convinced herself that the bastard was young, exuding a haughtiness that made her sick. So it made it reasonable to shut him out like she did.

Those weren’t her thoughts now. Much to her chagrin. The way he was looking at her pissed her off. It wasn't saying much, since... it didn't really take much. She had a habit of reading too much, or too little, into things like this. Add it into the endless regiment of stuff that she'd never admit to. Regardless, Namine couldn't dismiss it for whatever it might have actually meant. She snapped. Short and sweet, but empowered with harshness. Festered with irritation.

“I’m not panicking.”

Her hands suddenly slid a slow path along his shoulders, palms feeling up their way his neck. They were strong, slender parts of her; calloused in some moments and parts, weathered, and tender in others. She just itched at the opportunity to prove him wrong.

Axel

My tongue slipped out to wet my lips slightly, feeling along the slightly unnatural sharpness of my teeth. The wolf fixed on her words in a death grip, a prize kill, shaking out the life of them to the simple bare bone meaning. I fixed my jaw, mouth turning slick in basic hunger. "You've denied me 'till now. You are the one battling with this idea. So I guess I want a fully secure answer. To show me your... dedication, acceptance..." Another word played in my head but that was wrong. Submission...which only made me pinch my eyes slightly to do away with that. We were equals.

The wolf writhed beneath my hold. Not equals, she was not mated yet...

My hand continued up to her hair, fingers splaying through the strands. "Yes or no." Moderately, I wanted to hear if she was lying about this decision, forcing it upon herself to accept after so long. It would do no good like this though, her heart already too fast to tell any difference. "Tell me. Truthfully." I can tell my eyes turn suddenly hard, wild, possibly even dangerous. It was an order, even if it was said in the same easy tone, and the alpha rose to translate that fact to her. I was the alpha, and I would be obeyed.