The Soldier and The Dreamtalker

Jake 

"Took a few years of singing lessons. Parents were kinda hopin' for me to be an all-rounder, I guess," I admitted, shrugging somewhat sheepishly. It made me sound snobbish, like a stereotypical upper middle class kid — which I supposed I had been, but it felt strange to associate myself with that label now after having spent several years shoplifting food and falling asleep propped up against trees. The thought of living in New York felt very, very strange in itself. There was a hazy before and after quality to my memories; living in the midst of suburbia was starting to seem more in place among the scraps of dreams I could remember. 

I fiddled with the tuning pegs momentarily, an absentminded action as I added, "I, uh, did piano, too, but I didn't like it all that much. Too finicky..." Looking up again, I trailed off. Kinley's cheeks looked flushed. I had seen her blush before, but this must have been a trick of the light; I couldn't think of any reason for her to be blushing now. Still, the surprise of it made me falter. "Um, okay. Your fault if the neighbours complain, though." 

I took a second to pick up where I had left off in the song, strumming the strings quite gently for fear of breaking them if I applied too much force. Then, after completing the instrumental: "Yes, she caught my eye as we walked on by. She could see from my face that I was..." I laughed a little, "...fucking high; and I don't think that I'll see her again, but we shared a moment that will last 'til the end." As I segued into the chorus again, I studied Kinley's expression.

Kinley

"Really?" I nodded slowly in approval. "Nice. Didja like it? The, uh, most singing I've done was in church choir," I added sheepishly, running a hand through my hair in a vain attempt to keep it out of my face. I enjoyed singing well enough, though the only songs I really knew were hymns and holiday tunes. There were very few radio-worthy songs that I knew, and it had been a while since I last heard them. Nevertheless, singing was still a fun activity to me.

I nodded slowly, taking another hit from my joint and turning my head to exhale the smoke away from Jake. I looked back at him and gave him a little nudge with my elbow, laughing a little bit at his comment. "Hey, you've obviously never heard my dad try to sing. If people can deal with hearin' that trainwreck, then I think you're in the clear."

When Jake sang the line 'fucking high', I took a hit from my joint and slowly exhaled a thin stream of smoke in his direction. The line had indeed been funny, and I released a laugh afterwards. I watched him play and sing closely, a small smirk teasing my lips as he flowed back into the song's chorus...

I sat on my knees, shifting closer to him as he began the chorus. Swiftly, just after he finished singing '[...]crowded place,' I nudged his nose with mine and kissed him. So much for self-control.

Jake

I shrugged again. "When I didn't hafta read off lyrics, sure. When I did hafta read off lyrics... not so much. I don't think I've ever heard you sing, Kin." 

For some odd reason, my heart was beating quite hard in my chest, thumping out a steady metronome beat against my ribs every half second. I had to concentrate on what I was doing to keep myself from fumbling or playing the wrong note, although my eyes were drawn to the smoke blown in my direction. I had been told, once, that blowing smoke at someone meant something, but I couldn't for the life of me recall what. Kinley moved closer to me; I didn't stop singing, but I could feel the question written on my face in lieu of forming it with my mouth. 

Then, she was kissing me. 

My fingers went still on the guitar and my breath caught sharply in my throat. It took me a moment to process what had just happened — what was still happening; when my brain kickstarted into gear again, I lifted my hands to cup her face very carefully — if it hadn't been caught between my elbow and my chest, the now forgotten guitar would have surely slid to the floor — as I kissed Kinley back. 

"And... and I don't know what to do," I sang, soft and shaky and breathless into her mouth, "'cause I'll never be with you."

Kinley

Against my will, I released a small gasp of surprise when Jake reached up to cup my face and began kissing me back — for a few moments there, I didn't think this action was going to be reciprocated. I reached up and placed my hands over his, not daring to move any more than that for a small, prickling fear that I would overstep my boundaries and scare him off or force him into doing something he didn't want to do.

Was it possible to be sexually attracted to somebody's voice?

I felt my cheeks get hot again when he sang. His voice shook as his lips brushed against mine, and my eyes slowly fluttered open again. Very carefully, I moved my hands from his and pulled away, reaching over and grabbing the bottle of vodka that was waiting there for me. Taking a large swig and making a bit of a face at the strong taste of it, I silently cursed myself for not having enough self-control to not have done that. I probably should have waited until I was drunk to have made a move such as that one — I was fairly certain I had just royally fucked up.

"You're not a bad singer," I said finally. "Husky voices are hot."

Jake

I didn't open my eyes for a few moments after Kinley had pulled away, my face hot and lips tingling at the memory of hers. When I did, slowly, my vision was dizzy with surprise and tinged warm around the edges in a way that clarified this surprise was not of the bad kind. 

I lowered my hands down to the guitar again, the wood feeling cool beneath my palms after they'd been warmed by Kinley's skin. I watched her drink, not saying anything at first for fear I'd embarrass myself with my childhood stammer making an unwelcome appearance. 

My thoughts had slowed down from their usual rapidity; while they usually chased each other around in circles in my mind, taking wild detours and going on unnecessary tangents, they had now skidded to an abrupt halt as they did a headcount and tried to sort themselves out. There was only one active thought remaining in my mind, lit up solidly like a massive neon sign: Kinley just kissed you.

A smaller sign flickered to life beneath that one. And you kissed her back.

"You're not a bad kisser," I murmured once I was sure I could control my voice, running my thumb over my lower lip. "Surprise kisses are hot."

Kinley

After a few more drinks of alcohol and a couple of hits from my joint, I finally looked back over at Jake. My head was already beginning to feel a little bit fuzzy, and I shrugged a bit. "So I've been told, heh. You ain't so bad yourself, Jake." I nudged him, offering a faint smile up at him. It was true — Jake wasn't half bad at kissing. He had that...way to him that made you just want more; I wouldn't mind kissing him again...

I shook my head, dismissing the thought. I watched him closely for a few moments, and then lightly whacked his arm. "S'your fault, y'know. For making me wanna kiss you — for being attractive." I sighed and rubbed my eyes, trying in a vain attempt to clear my head.

I was tempted to take another drink or another hit, but I didn't want to become inebriated whilst Jake was still sober. But then... I got an idea, and straightened up to look at Jake, tilting my head to the side as I held the joint up. "Wanna do blowbacks?"

A blowback — the smoking kind — could be done two different ways; the first way, one person takes a deep hit from the joint or cigarette and leans over to blow the smoke into the second person's mouth (either touching lips or not), and the two blow the smoke back and forth until it's all gone. The second way, one person holds the burning end in their mouth and cups the sides of their face to keep the smoke from escaping their end. The second person holds the filter end in their mouth and inhales as the first person blows the smoke backwards through the joint. The two methods often lead to getting high very quickly.

Jake

Despite myself, I felt my cheeks warm again. I knew it was an offbeat reaction, at odds with the current mood, but I couldn't help it. I turned my face away to hide my blush with the excuse of setting the guitar aside. 

I grinned a little as I turned to face her again. "Yeah, sorry 'bout that, I know it can be hard to control yourself 'round me when I'm sitting here all frigging godlike and shit. I'll go do the gentlemanly thing and smash my face into a brick wall now." I made a move as if to get up, but toppled back down onto the mattress again with a laugh. 

I may have fallen a little closer to Kinley than I had been before, my thigh now pressed up against the length of hers. But who was to tell, really? 

I sat up properly again, mimicking Kinley's tilted head without realising. "Sure. One question, though — what're blowbacks?"

Kinley

"Yup, s'all your fault for being attractive 'round somebody who's hypersexual," I said with a laugh.  I wasn't joking though — Jake was attractive and I felt sexual attraction stronger than most people did.  I guess it was equally both our faults or not at all.

I glanced down when our thighs touched, but brought my head back up again to watch him curiously.  "You've never done a blowback before?  Christ, Jake."  I smiled and sat up straighter, and then frowned a bit because — even sitting down — Jake was still a bit taller than me.  I released a small sigh and shifted around so that I was once again sitting on my knees and facing him.

"So, there's two ways we could do this. I, personally, prefer method number one, which is blowin' the smoke back and forth 'tween us.  Method number two usually leads to burnt mouths."  I scooted a little closer to him, until my knees were touching his legs.  "It's fun and leads to both parties getting equally high.  

So, since I'm already a li'l bit high, why don't you do the honours of taking the hit?  All you do is inhale, push some of the smoke into the back of your mouth or your throat to hold a lot in there, and lean in..."  I leaned close to Jake, our faces a mere few inches apart, his super green eyes almost glowing in my vision.  "...And blow."  I raised my eyebrows and smirked, pulling back from him and handing over the joint.

Jake 

"Kin, I didn't know what marijuana was till a couple years ago. I thought you could smoke any old weed in the backyard and you'd be on cloud damn nine. 'Scuse me if I ain't had all the experience you have." Amusement tingled through me at Kinley's frown; my height was often an inconvenience, but the annoyance it caused other people was entertaining enough to make up for that. 

My cockiness faded instantly, however, when Kinley leaned in close. I could feel her breath against my face as she spoke; lips parting slightly, my eyes dropped down briefly to her mouth, then back up to her eyes again. "Sounds easy enough," I said, unable to raise my voice to much more than a whisper.

Shifting onto my knees to lessen the space between us, I sat down on my heels. I lifted my hand to give the underside of Kinley's chin a light nudge, then slid it to cup her face again, fingertips skirting over her skin as I did so. After taking a deep pull on the joint, I leaned in, lifting my other hand to capture the space between our mouths; I didn't know if this would keep the smoke from escaping, but there was something sharp and electrical about being cut off from the rest of the world with Kinley down to the air we breathed. 

Slowly, I exhaled the stream of smoke out to Kinley's mouth.

Kinley

I released a laugh, playfully punching Jake in the shoulder.  "Hey, when a person doesn't have anythin' to do and wants'ta numb themselves, there're three things we turn to: drugs, alcohol, and sex.  I happen to just be a master of all three."  Well, I enjoyed those things too, but I did also use them as a numbing agent.  Drugs and alcohol to forget and feel euphoria, and sex was used to feel better about myself — if I could please people and simultaneously be pleased, then I felt better.

I raised my eyebrows and grinned slightly at his reaction to me being close; I got a rush from things like that.  Despite myself, I shivered slightly under the gentleness of his touch, my eyes fluttering closed as I felt him lean in, and I absently reached forward and placed a hand on his arm.  The tingling warmth of the smoke entering my mouth made my entire body heat up.  

I felt my mind begin to become fuzzy, and I slowly pulled away from Jake, breathing some excess smoke that I couldn't comfortably hold out my nose.  I leaned in once more, our lips just brushing together, as I exhaled the drug back at him, releasing a soft sound as I did so.

Jake 

As Kinley moved forward, I allowed my hands to slide back into her hair, the joint hanging from between my index and middle finger so I didn't accidentally set her on fire. My eyes fell shut. A giddy, tingling feeling was buzzing through my body, emanating from where my fingers twined in her hair and our lips barely touched; I couldn't figure out if it was rooted in nervousness or excitement (or drugs), but it didn't matter. Whether or not what we were doing was a good idea didn't matter; how it would end didn't matter. Right now, all that mattered was Kinley's hand on my arm and Kinley's nose just touching mine and Kinley's lips just touching mine and Kinley, Kinley, Kinley. 

And then she made this sound, and I didn't know if it made me melt or set me alight or any other number of cliché metaphors, but the smoke caught in my throat before leaving my mouth all in one sharp, shaky exhalation. I breathed her name and kissed her again, verging on clumsy with how quickly, intently, I moved to close the distance; if we'd been any further apart, I probably would have knocked my nose against hers.

Kinley

Releasing a small sigh when Jake tangled his fingers into my air, I sat up straighter and tried to get even closer to him. My head was filled with a fuzzy, warm sensation and my judgement was clouded, but I didn't care. Smoke hung around us like a thin sheet, and the heat radiating from Jake's body completely enveloped me as I fell in way too deep. I hadn't planned on that happening, but I was too into it to really care — this definitely wasn't a bad thing.

When I felt his lips on mine again, it was almost like he was asphyxiating and I was his only source of oxygen. The smoke he had exhaled mostly spread out in the air surrounding us, although a small amount was inhaled by me; an amateur would pull away from the kiss to exhale the smoke, but a master, such as I, just blew the excess smoke out my nose.

The way he breathed out my name made something stir from inside me, a giggly and ticklish feeling coming from my stomach. I hadn't encountered butterflies before, but there was just something about the way his name flowed from his mouth... I released another, almost identical, sound as before and I moved my hands so they brushed against his shoulders and rested on the sides of his neck.

Jake 

A little breathlessly, unwilling to break the kiss for even a moment, I moved back into a sitting position and crossed my legs; I dropped one hand from Kinley's face to loop it around her waist, but before I could pull her into my lap, I let out a small sound as something small and hot singed my leg. "Ow, shit, what—?" I said, more out of surprise than actual pain. Pulling away briefly, I realised that the forgotten joint must have fallen out from between my fingers and hit — lit tip-first, by Murphy's Law — an exposed scrap of skin on my ankle where the hem of my jeans had ridden up. With a quiet laugh, I retrieved the joint from where it had rolled away to, and took a short hit. 

As I breathed out, I turned my gaze back to Kinley, watching her through the haze of smoke. Kinley was among the group whom I'd do anything for; whatever she asked, whatever would make her happy — I would do it. But this wasn't just to please her — there was a selfish element to it, because it felt good. Kissing Kinley was less a singular sensation and more hundreds of tiny ones, like feeling each individual bubble of champagne on my tongue; I didn't know if this was because I was high and getting higher or if it was just the effect of kissing her, but I was aware of every part of touching skin, of every breath. It felt like I could hear Kinley's pulse.

My head was foggy and muddled and slow, and Kinley was beautiful. She was beautiful. 

I pressed my lips gently to the freckles on Kinley's forehead, then tipped my own against it. "Stars on your skin, you know," I said softly. I could still taste her as I spoke. "Constellations. Andromeda, Cassiopeia, Ophiuchus. I can see 'em all."

Kinley

I was just about to follow Jake's lead and slide into his lap when he made a surprised noise.  Reluctantly, I pulled away from the kiss, following his gaze down to see what had happened; lo and behold, he'd dropped the joint on him.  Good one, idiot, I thought to myself, giggling quietly as he picked the joint back up and took a hit.  I felt his eyes burning into me through the smoke, and I lightly touched my lips with the tips of my fingers, asking myself if that really had happened.  

Jake's lips on mine was an interesting sensation.  Yeah, most lips felt the same, but this was...different; I had been making out with one of my closest friends, and the emotions I had for him bubbled up inside of me whenever we were close.  His lips were unbelievably soft against mine, and they left a small zap of electricity every time he moved them.

I sighed quietly and closed my eyes when he kissed my forehead.  I felt my skin get hot, and knew that I was quite obviously blushing — for some reason, this moment felt even more intimate than kissing did.  It was a nice feeling, and I remained silent for a few moments after he spoke,  but I soon had to break it off.  Gently, I pushed on his chest, and then straightened up.  "I know what you're doin', Jake," I said softly, reaching for the joint.  "Don't develop emotions for me."

Jake 

"I'm not doin' nothing," I said, which was technically a lie, as I was still watching Kinley, and watching in itself counted as doing something. I gave Kinley the joint and let her push me back easily, propping myself up on my elbows. I didn't want it to end so soon, but Kinley was the one setting the pace here; if she wanted to stop here and never mention it again, then that's what we would do. 

I tilted my head a bit to the right. My eyelids felt heavy from the dizzy, sleepy contentment of being stoned. "I'm not developin' emotions for you, Kin. I mean — no more'n what I got already. You're one of my best friends; gotta have some sorta feeling for you, don't I? But you're my best friend, and this's... just what best friends do sometimes, isn't it? Mess 'round with substances and make out a little?" I gave a lopsided grin, toppling backward to stretch out on the mattress. "Never watched enough movies like that as a kid. I don't actually know if that's what best friends usually do. I like it anyway, though."

Kinley

Jake's answer was all that my high self needed to continue on, but first, I grabbed the bottle of vodka and tipped it back, taking a large swig — I was so high that the taste didn't even make me cringe anymore. It wasn't that I found vodka gross, but it was more that...it had a very strong taste.

Next, I found myself crawling over to Jake and climbing on top of him, sitting on his stomach and tilting my head slightly to watch him. The joint had hung from between my lips as I moved, so I took a long drag, plucked it out of my mouth, and tipped my head back, releasing a thick stream of it into the air above us. The air around the two mattresses was at a comfortable thickness with the excess smoke still billowing around.

I looked back down at Jake, and giggled giddily, absentmindedly tugging on one of his hoodie's drawstrings. My eyes traced the bone of his jaw, his cheekbones, the slope of his nose, before finally landing on his lips. I handed the joint back to him.

Jake

I propped my knees up behind Kinley, considering the stretch of her neck as she tilted her head back. I then considered how very much I'd like to kiss that neck, and the collarbones below it, and the lips above it. I took the joint, eyes shutting as I inhaled deeply. 

I reached for the hand Kinley had given me the joint with and trailed my fingers up her forearm, thumb carefully following the line of her vein until I couldn't feel it anymore. Gently, I tried to pull Kinley down closer and opened my eyes to put the joint back in her mouth. "Kin," I asked, "what're we doin'?" Instead of dropping my hand again, I followed the lines of her features with my fingertip, committing them to memory.

Kinley

When Jake tugged me down closer, I couldn't help but kiss him again. Those lips that greeted me with excitement and happiness felt comforting against my own; it wasn't until a few moments later than I pulled away and took the joint back. I took a small hit, blowing out the smoke all at once, forming a cloud that hovered in the little amount of space that was between mine and Jake's faces.

I shuddered slightly under Jake's light touches, eyes flicking back and forth from his lips to his eyes slowly. "We're gettin' high?" I said, a bit confused by the question; I didn't quite get what he was trying to ask me. Wasn't it obvious what we were doing? We were smoking a joint and making out — I didn't think it could be any more obvious than that.

Jake 

I gave a small grin at the kiss and tucked Kinley's hair back. I was aware, vaguely, that it was incredibly lucky that I was stoned. It was very possible, I thought, that I would have gone into cardiac arrest by now, were I sober. 

"No, no, I know that," I answered, breathing in smoke as I talked. My hand stilled on Kinley's face save for my thumb as I lightly stroked her cheekbone. "I just..." I laughed a little, "...have no friggin' clue how this happened. Not complainin', but it wasn't expected, gotta admit."

Kinley

It may have been vaguely against my will, but I emitted a soft, purring noise as Jake's thumb brushed against the bone of my cheek.  The sensation was enough to make my hair stand on end, but it was most definitely a welcomed one.  I gazed at his green eyes — the whites of them tinted red from the drugs — intently as he spoke.  Maybe I was a little too high.

"Weeeeellllllllll," I started, shifting position and moving my arms from their spots against the mattress on either side of his head, the only things keeping me somewhat upright.  I laid on top of him, head resting against his collarbone and shoulder, joint loosely hanging between my index and middle finger.  His body was very warm, and I cuddled right in.

"You sang, 'n' then I got turned on, 'n' then I kissed you, 'n' then we started gettin' stoned as fuck, 'n' we did blowbacks — which's the most 'ttractive activity ever — 'n' you kissed me.  Now we're here, 'n' I'm hopin' that you're not gonna develop emotions for me, but I'm also kinda hopin' that we could..."  I trailed off, heading into a fit of bubbly giggles.

Jake 

Kinley made this — sound, and I opened my eyes fully from my contentedly heavy-lidded, lashed gaze to stare at her. The frantic need to kiss her from earlier had concentrated and spread; now, instead of causing shaky hands and shaky voice, it filled my entire body, a constant hum just beneath my skin. She was lovely. So, so lovely. 

I laughed a little and pressed my face into her hair. Beneath the smell of smoke, she had a soft, warm scent, and I peppered kisses as far as I could reach. Then, amused by her explanation, I ducked my head down and nudged my nose against hers to get her to look up, brushed my lips — a tad clumsily, at this angle — over Kinley's forehead, the tip of her nose, the corner of her mouth. 

"Also kinda hopin' we could what?" I asked, lips moving lightly against Kinley's cheek as I spoke. I drew my arms around her, holding her close, breathing her in.

Kinley

Whatever fear I had of Jake possibly developing feelings for me that were stronger than 'just friends' melted away when he lightly ran kisses through my hair and over my face. My lips parted slightly as I closed my eyes, settling into his warm embrace. I hadn't had such intimacy as this before, and the bubbling and ticklish sensation it left coursing through my body felt almost better than being high.

I giggled brightly and squirmed around as he spoke, his just lips brushing against my cheek... Jake's lips just brushing against my cheek. I felt my face get hot as I sat up and faced him again, taking a small drag on the almost-finished joint and blowing the smoke slowly into his face. "Y'know what it means when somebody blows smoke in your face, Jake?" I grinned and leaned in close, my lips brushing his jaw as I did so. "'Means they wanna fuck you."

Laughing, I straightened up and took a final, deep hit of the joint before glancing around and putting the butt of it out in an ash tray.

Jake

I propped myself up on my elbows. "Does it, now?" I half grinned and caught some of the smoke in my lungs, then blew it back to Kinley in a thin, barely-visible stream. I sat up halfway, keeping my legs bent behind her so I wouldn't knock her off myself. 

Reaching for the hand Kinley had put the joint out with, I pressed a kiss to each of her knuckles then twined my fingers with her. I nudged my nose against hers and tapped a silent beat out against the skin beneath my fingertips. Quietly, I sang, "Promiscuous girl, wherever you are, I’m all alone and it's you that I want..."

Kinley

I watched dazedly as Jake kissed my knuckles and then intertwined his fingers with mine. The size of his hand compared to mine was entirely all too amusing, and I gave a lazy grin as I wiggled my fingers a little bit before squeezing his hand with my own. I didn't get to hold hands with people very often, so his palm pressed against mine made an excited, electrical feeling run all the way up my arm. I was one hundred percent sure that Jake could hear my heartbeat; although it was slow from the drugs, it was pounding harder and louder than ever before.

When he nudged my nose with his, I finally lifted my gaze from our hands. My lips parted slightly, and smoke that I completely forgot I had been holding exited my mouth. Tipping my head backwards, I once again slowly exhaled the smoke into the air. The song that Jake was singing was unfamiliar to me — like always — but I smiled.

Jake

I tilted my head when I turned my attention back to Kinley's face. She was looking at our hands with an odd, dazed sort of expression in her eyes, like holding hands was a foreign concept to her. Concern jabbed me; I wondered if this was crossing the line, making Kinley think I couldn't keep ahold of my own emotions. Then she grinned, and my face relaxed into a matching smile. I clasped my other hand over hers and ducked down to kiss her fingertips in the space between my palms. "Whatcha lookin' at, Kin?" 

Now sitting level with Kinley, I could see her neck work as she tilted her head back, and was again struck with something like awe. She was a work of art, a painting of freckles and grey eyes and muscles and bones and thoughts and words, and she was real. She had a heart that beat and blood in her veins and lungs in her chest, and it seemed almost impossible that she was here in this moment, sitting in my lap. 

I leaned forward, just a bit, my lips barely brushing her cheek as I pressed a featherlight kiss there. "You're incredible, Kinley," I told her, lingering a moment before touching another kiss to her other cheek. "As a friend, I hope you know you're incredible."