The Disability Chat

T.Mor:

After a bit of chair moving and awkward clinging to the doctor guy's coat I was sitting on the table and he had the listeny thingy up against the back of my ribcage. I just kind of awkwarded because anything brushing too close to like...my uhm... duct tape... was really uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything, because... ...I didn't think I was suppoused to...

He went on to look in my mouth and eyes and ears and stuff... which went mostly ok, but he stopped for a minute while looking in my eyes to ask a question. "...And how many hours of sleep do you get a night...?"

...Waitwhat. "...none...? Why...?"

" You're telling me that you don't sleep."

"...Yeah..." ...I wasn't here for that. ...I was here because of my back. ...Please just... I mean...

"...Why don't you sleep?" He asked, like it was some big deal.

I couldn't really answer that one. "... ...because..." I mumbled. He kept looking at me and had the writing guy write some stuff down about that apparently. "...sorry...uhm... ...but like... ...can... I mean...uhm...?" I kinda asked, hoping we could change the subject.

"Right. Right. We'll be in touch about that. Anyway. Are you going to tell me that I'm not allowed to feel your stomach either?" He asked.

I really wanted to just be like: yeah... yeah, uh, please don't touch me...but all that managed to happen was a kind of shrug thing.

"Do you need help lying down?" Was the immediate next question out of his mouth, and I found myself helping him to help me lay down on the table, feeling completely mortified.

Cricket

"Ahh . . . ?" I wasn't quite sure that T.Mor had honestly agreed to that. I looked up, concerned, and my concerns were verified with the look on his face. Or, perhaps he'd nodded and decided to go on with it. I looked between the doctor and him, flustered as to what to do, but ended up trying another reassuring smile. It couldn't be that bad, aye?

T.Mor:

Cricket made a noise and I kind of turned my head to look towards him, and caught another one of those "I'm sure it'll be...ok...probably..." smiles.

And by that time, the doctor guy had pulled my shirt up to about the base of my ribcage and started his... ...feeling..thing...

It kind of tickled...What of it I could actually feel. It was like his hands would disappear occasionally. But...Like... seriously. I sorta felt myself like... grin.

"...See? It's not that bad. I'm going to be underneath you for a moment...checking kidneys... so..." and he slipped his hands under me...which was immediately bad. That... that whole... lower back...part... it...

"... .. ... ..no--stop..." I said through my teeth, and he let go immediately... which... I was thankful for. It... I was really...it... hurt.

Cricket

I happened to look up to see a grin replaced with gritted teeth. My eyes widened. No, that couldn't be right . . . I had to shake my head to clear the mental images of shackles, but the gritted teeth was still there. I lurched to grab the doctor's shoulder, "Don't." The word felt scolding on my tongue. And then it was over, and he had his hands off my friend, and my fingers were just short of his coat. He would not hurt my friend. But it seemed to be over . . . so I pulled back.

T.Mor:

I heard Cricket say "don't". I couldn't really see at that point because I was staring at the ceiling while I let everything get back to normal. "My apologies... I didn't realise that that was still so ...raw." He seemed a bit surprised about something, and I tilted my head a little to try and see what exactly was going on. Cricket's head was kind of in my field of vision, and I realised that he was like... Going to do something I think... If... If the doctor hadn't stopped.

"Are you ok to sit back up?" he asked.

"... Uhm... In... In a minute... Sorry..." I muttered, still feeling pain slide away.

"Of course." he replied, and I found myself twisting my head a bit more to look at Cricket, who was now all... Closer than he had been.

Cricket

I saw T.Mor looking at me, and stepped back to where I had been before I swear to Hell would have strangled the doctor if he hadn't stopped whatever he'd been doing so suddenly. It must have been an accident, and I could see that now . . . but it was still pain, and that he'd had enough of.

T.Mor:

After a few more minutes of just... lying there I was feeling a lot less... painful. I hesitantly extended a hand up to the doctor guy and he helped me get back to sitting, which was also kinda difficult without the bed that flipped around like back at the room.

He had still been watching Cricket, I think, and I had to wonder what had happened while I was all... yeah...

I'd ask later. ...Maybe.

I watched my legs dangle over the edge of the table, and had to wonder why I bothered even putting on my combat boots...It wasn't like it really... I wasn't using them... Or pants for that matter. Pants... were a nuisance. ...Took forever. And...like... pyjamas were more...accomodating of some of the stuff that was now weirdly strapped to my leg...

I glanced back up and the doctor guy had a little rubber hammer. ...That... that was not ok. I mean... it... it probably wasn't lethal... but... you could definitely kneecap someone with it... If you tried...

"I just wanted to check a few more things with you..." He seemed to catch my glance at the hammer. "...Don't worry... this doesn't do anything bad. Really."

"...I'm... not sure..." I muttered, still looking at it.

"All I'm going to do is put my finger against your knee and tap my finger with the hammer, alright? I just want to see something real quickly." He explained. I think... he was finally catching on here. ...We really had no clue. ...At all.

...I couldn't actually feel my knees anyway...so... what did it matter...if...if I accidentally was kneecapped...? "...ok..." And then I kinda watched almost with my hands in my face, because... what if it bled or something...

His hand wrapped almost the whole way around my leg...which...was a bit scary looking... and then he did just what he said and tapped his finger with the hammer. And nothing happened. He did it again with the other leg...and... nothing. "...That clears that up..."He mumbled. He paused for a few minutes and just kinda looked at me....Thinking I think. "Can I see your back?" He asked suddenly, like... that was what came out of his uh... thinking.

First thought: ...No. No no no a thousand nos. All the nos. Second thought: ...well.... that kind of is the...problem... so... "...ok..." I mumbled, and just sat there, watching him. He eventually moved around to behind me, where I felt the air move where he lifted up the back of my shirt.

"... ...That's duct tape." He sounded so surprised.

"...Yeah..."

"As soon as we're done with blood testing for the both of you I'm sending you to get that taken care of. ...That..." another pause. "...duct tape. What kind of healthcare do you have....wherever you live...?"

"...none..." I stammered. "...sorry..." I had to wonder if I'd screwed myself up more by having Ana and Riddle help with it as soon as I got home... .I just... I couldn't get it to stop bleeding and... like... I didn't know... what....how... I mean... uhm.

Cricket

The guy kept on looking at me suspiciously, now.

. . . Muahahahaaah.

Aye. That's right, mate, better watch your step.

And then things started getting back to reality again as I watched my paper. He wasn't too happy about the duct tape, either. It was worrying, actually, exactly how bad everyone seemed to react to it. I thought it was bad, but not . . . too terrible, when you consider that if he hadn't done anything at all to it . . . what might have happened?

T.Mor:

He put my shirt back down and walked back to his cabinets, pulling out some empty bottle-y things. "So, we're going to finish up today with blood testing and send you off to breakfa---"he looked at Cricket and then at the clock. "...Well, maybe early lunch now, actually... and you...We're going down to the ICU for a couple hours probably to get..."he just looked so perplexed and kinda worried or concerned or something about me...The duct tape wasn't THAT bad. ...We'd done a pretty good job, I thought. Not even any wires stuck out. "...All that... taken care of." he unwrapped some packages and they were long skinny tubes, which he connected up to the bottles...

...Blood testing probably sounded like... the most scary thing...because... ...well... the word blood was in it... and there were tubes... and... It... It just... all I could think about was the buckets of formaldehyde... and... like... tubing...and...

"...Alright, if I could just get both of you to roll up your sleeves, both me and my assistant are qualified to do this...so we can get you both done at once." ..I'd stopped paying attention properly after the word "sleeve". ...That. He'd... He... he asked. He... Sleeves.

No. No. That.... No. I wasn't even late today. ...I... I mean....ok, technically I wasn't...at work... but I was here...so... I thought it wouldn't matter....but.. ...maybe they worked for him...? No... that had to be it. I was in trouble because I was here instead of at work. ...And so... yeah. And they'd just get out their scary.. I don't know... and... and...it would be bad and ...I wanted to hug my knees, but I couldn't...and... I didn't know what to do and...I mean...It had been so nice...I... I thought It was safe here...safer. ...I... I thought maybe this would be ok...but...no.

...No. ...roll up my sleeves. ... ...I.... I didn't...even...

Cricket

Oi my my.

. . . Did he just say sleeves?

He said sleeves. My eyes shot to T.Mor, and back to the doctor. No . . . you don't tell T.Mor to roll up his sleeves. I wasn't sure what to think. They were not from Auda, they were not here to hurt us, aye? They weren't here to hurt us. They wouldn't.

Meanwhile, my heartbeat was sped up to racing. I'd only heard Mr. Face say it once or twice, but the wording was too close. For T.Mor . . . I couldn't imagine what it was like for T.Mor.

Whatever was about to happen, it couldn't be as bad as what I'd been through. Perhaps I could go first . . . let T.Mor see there wasn't anything to be afraid of. And not scare off this time. Aye.

I looked at whatever the thing was that was blood testing equipment.

I was starting to believe that it was not curiousity but bravery that killed the cat.

Anyhow . . . I tried to talk. "I-- I'll go first." I hoped the point got across that I was well aware he'd wanted to do both at once. I gave T.Mor another slight smile, but otherwise tried for a straight face. It wasn't going to be bad.

T.Mor:

I vaguely registered Cricket talking...somewhere...but like... nothing was really... sticking properly in my brain. I was in trouble. ...I was in trouble and now this was happening and... and Cricket was here... and... and he said words... and... and

I brought a hand up to wipe my face... and was kinda...there wasn't a plastic mask in front of my eyes. ...There...wasn't... ...I...Cricket was standing on his own... there was almost a smile... I...I was... so....confused... This... that couldn't be right...

But... I wasn't at work either... but... this...I'd...

"I had been hoping to get you both done at once since you've ended up running over on your appointment time..." I heard, and... and I just ended up...wrapping my arms around myself... and...and trying to stop... I think I was shaking...or...or the world was shaking... ...I... I didn't really understand...

Cricket

I just watched him. Heart pounding, for once locking eyes with a stranger. Was he blind? Couldn't he see what he was doing? T.Mor had to see that it would be alright . . . and if it wasn't alright, I would get him out of there before they did anything to him as well. If the guy would only listen to me . . .

T.Mor:

I... ...I didn't even... I... uhm.... it...

I really...

... ...

Something was in front of my face. ...A hand. ...There...hand... my face... "...Hey there..."

It...It was that... that guy... the... the guy. "...Hey... hey... are you alright?" Not loudly. ...kinda quiet. Soft. I... Kind of...glanced... at him...

"Did I somehow scare you...? ...What happened...? It's alright...ok? " His head... was kinda close to my head... ...and...All that really happened... like.... for an answer... was...was ...like... a...uhm... noise. or...or something. I... I didn't... It...

"...Look...I'm really sorry if...if I did something that really scared you, ok...? This... this isn't suppoused to be scary." He kinda kept looking at my face... ...like... searching, or... ...I don't know... "How's this... how's... We'll show you how this works with Cricket first...ok? Just so you can see- it's not scary...Alright?"

I shakily wiped at an eye again... and kinda... made some kind of... movement...of...of okness or something. I still kind of felt like... like throwing up...or...or something...

"Cricket, why don't you come sit on the table next to him, alright?"

..Cricket. ...Cricket was he'd...he'd be here...so...so...it was less bad... maybe...

Cricket

I did so, watching the doctor cautiously out of the corner of my eye. Slipped T.Mor a reassuring glance.

T.Mor:

The Doctor guy pulled over a little metal table... With... With all the like... Uhm... Stuff for doing things on it. ...I looked at all the stuff, and was actually kinda... Shocked... There weren't any like... Knives or... Or anything... So... How bad could it... No. No nevermind. It could still...I mean...

And then Cricket was next to me...sitting. With another... Reassuring smile thing. I mean... Ok... Things could still be reeeeally bad... Like... Really bad even with him right there... But... Like... It felt less... Maybe... Overtly horrible? ...If... If I got that word right. I somehow ended up wrapping a hand around his, not really sure if... If it was to make me feel less... How I did...or to like... Be reassuring back to him... Or... What.

"Alright. Cricket. I do need you to..." he paused for a minute. " uh... Let's see. I need to see your arm." he requested.

Cricket

Bony fingers were suddenly clutching my hand. That caught me off guard, but I let him. After a moment of contemplation I wrapped my own fingers loosely around his just to let him know that it was alright. He wanted to hold my hand, he could hold my hand. Petty manliness boundaries aside. Who cares about that when you're trying not to ... I don't know, not get yourself exacto knived? Though, I didn't see any knives on that little metal table.

It was going to be alright, then. No knives.

It took me a moment to notice the paper. "Ah." That required me to roll up my sleeve... Well, one hand was taken. Alright. I sort of rubbed my wrist on my knee to push it up instead.

T.Mor:

I felt Cricket's fingers wrap around my hand...and it was just... I felt a little bit better. ...Like... just... knowing he was...there...and stuff...

I watched him awkwardly...uhm... roll up his sleeve... which... maybe I shouldn't have been like... taking up his other hand... But I didn't really like... move it... so...

The doctor guy handed Cricket a blue and green ball. "So... I'm going to ask you to squeeze that as hard as you can throughout this..." He explained as he pushed Cricket's sleeve back a bit more and tied some kind of rubber thing to his upper arm.

...I... This whole thing to me... was...so... tense... Like... I couldn't even... explain...

He looked at Cricket's arm for a minute... and then rubbed some random cottony thing on it. " Alright...you're going to feel a bit of a poke. Would you rather I counted to three before I start or just surprise you with it...or...?" He asked, unwrapping a...uh... oh... that was...that was a needle... uhm. ... ... ...

I didn't like this... At all...

Cricket

Why? Squeeze it, why? ...I had better give up trying to understand.

Oh bother a needle. Something about that reminded me of Area 51 from way back, and that hadn't been a simple bit of a poke....But this needle was little. Couldn't be too bad. "Surprise." I blocked my eyes with hair, squeezed the damn ball and braced myself.

T.Mor:

Cricket hid behind his hair, and...I kept watching... because... I wanted to see...like... how this all went. The doctor guy took the needle...which was now...somehow connected to the tube... which was connected to the bottle... Anyway... he took it and stuck it in that place where your elbow bends... like... the uhm... not elbow part.

I watched as blood went up the tube and into the bottle.

... ...Wait... Was... was that it..? ..That...that was the whole thing...? ...I'd had...worse... uhm...puncture wounds from stepping on a nail accidentally on my floor... at home.

Cricket

I felt a pressured sort of prick. Then ... Nothing much. An uncomfortable sort of pinch.

Was that it?

I tipped my head to see my arm, and there was the tiny needle thing sticking out of my arm, flooding with a tiny stream of red which went to some other container. Huh. It wasn't even disgusting to watch. I kept telling myself it wouldn't be that bad, but honestly, this was nothing. I felt myself whistle something.

"...That's it?"

T.Mor:

"...Yeah... that's it. Uhm... I said, we could get you both done at once. Because getting the bottle full takes a bit of time..." He was kind of looking at me like... You know you could get this thing going now that you know you're not going to die...

...So... Even though I now knew that it wasn't... uhm... like, murder or something... I still kind of didn't really want to actually have to... like... roll up my sleeves... because, like... there were uhm... scars... and.... and I didn't want to have to explain or anything and... I ... I dunno.

I just kinda ended up looking at him...all... conflicted. I mean... I had to do it... And...I knew that... but... still... mrrrh...

Cricket

I glanced between him and the doctor, trying to read their expressions and their lips. T.Mor didn't seem too keen on rolling up his sleeves. Ah. Scars, aye?

The doctor wouldn't stare at them like he had his eyes or back, would he? . . . I decided not to mention it. Hope for the best.

T.Mor:

...There really wasn't a way around it...I realised...

I still... didn't... want to... I mean... I...

But it would cause more trouble to like... not do it when he asked...right...? Because... then he'd wonder...more.

I hesitantly let go of Cricket's hand to roll up my own sleeves. I kept my eyes on my knees, and tried not to look at my arm...or at the doctor... or... anywhere really... just... pretend it wasn't an issue.

"...And, what's all that?" I heard him ask... and I just sat there.

...What am I suppoused to say? What do...How do... How do I answer that. "... ...Sorry..." I mumbled.

"Don't... don't apologise... just... can you explain?" He asked. And I stared harder at my knees, while I think the doctor guy was trying to make eye contact with me.

"...no..." I answered. I hoped that was an ok answer.

There were a few minutes of silence, where all I could hear was the other guy's pen on paper and I felt him rub the cotton thingy on my arm. "...It's difficult to find a good vein in your arm." He muttered. ...I didn't know what that meant. Sounded bad... but... I don't know... I just wanted this to be over so I could put my sleeve back down. It made me feel... not good... with them up like that...

Cricket

I left my hand beside me and watched down at my own knees. Thankfully, the doctor didn't talk too long about it. He even dropped the topic after T.Mor said no. For the most part. My eyes flitted up and I tried to give another warning look through a slit in my hair when he mentioned the arm after those few minutes. Perhaps he wouldn't even see it, and I might have been half fine with that. Enough of looking people in the eye for a while. I wanted to walk around blind for a while.

T.Mor:

It took him another few minutes of looking at that arm before he finally asked me, "...Can you just give me your other arm...? I don't want to have to go too deep to find a vein that won't just.. collapse." ...Which... I guess... was nice of him... to consider how irritating that would be... but... I... didn't mind... It... It couldn't be as bad as acid or anything...

I took a moment before just...complying... And I wondered if he'd say anything else. I didn't want him to.

There was more cotton on that arm... and he stared at it for a minute. "...This is... a bit better..." He muttered, and finally I felt a little pinch. Barely even worth like... saying anything about.

...I was glad that he didn't ask any more about my arms... ...I... I would have like... I don't know. ...I mean, It shouldn't be his problem... my arms. They're healed...mostly. Therefore... not his problem...