R.I.P Elaina

(Ahhh, that makes sense XD)


Jamie: "Well.... im kind of glad that's out, i guess. Id been debating telling you all for a long time anyways, but i was too scared." i admitted, blushing slightly. It was kind of a relief just to get it out there, like a weight had been lifted off me. Well, i wouldnt have to debate telling them anymore.

Nicola just sat still for a moment before raising her head from where it'd been sitting on her knees. "You're a boy?" She asked a little disbelieving. Okay, surely she wasn't that clueless that she wouldn't have noticed that. Smiling slightly at Jamie she forced her confusion away to offer an encouraging smile in her-, no, his direction. She refused to treat him any differently than before. It wouldn't be right.

Zerrick stared and his mouth dropped. Jamie was a guy? He had to admit that he had looked her, or him, over but didn't think the body was very...girlish. Wow. His secret seemed small now in spite of what he had just heard.

Jamie: I glanced over at Nicola. "Um... yeah. But only because that's the body i got stuck with when i was born." i said, sighing. Mentally i was very much a girl. Id never really thought of myself as a boy, no matter how hard my parents tried to get me to be 'normal'. But i knew that wasnt my only secret, and it wasnt the one i was most worried aobut. How long until the rest of it came out?

Nicola's face drained of color as she gripped her legs tighter to keep from running away. There, her secret was out. Unable to see their reactions she hid her face in her legs and squeezed her eyes shut.

Illia's eyes widened and she looked at Nicola. She had been the first person Illia had meant to call, one of her closest friends. She hadn't had any clue that she had done something like that.

Zerrick's breathing quickened. He wasn't the only one who had killed? But no...surely she couldn't have. She was sweet, an overall nice person. How could she have done something as bad as him?

Jamie: The revealed secret shocked me, shaking me to my core. But i realized that it didnt matter. It didnt change my feelings for her, didnt change what i loved about her or how i thought about her. I glanced over at her, offering a small smile.

Nicola finally peeked up at them, her face weary of what she would see. The first person she saw was Jamie. He was smiling so she raised her head the rest of the way and looked around at all of them. Maybe they wouldn't hate her.......

Jace bit his tongue, growing slighty nervous about his secret being revealed. He knew it wasnt as significant as some of the other peoples, but it was something that scared him, made him vulnerable. He snapped to attention when he found out that Jaime loved Nicola. A murderer and a crossdresser? Hm, whatever floats your boat.

Nicola stared at him, a look of shock frozen on her face. "Jamie?" She managed to say, her mind racing. Jamie loved.....her? She shook her head slightly. No, that one had to be wrong. There was no way that Jamie could love her. Jamie was.......Jamie. Sister like. Not.........she shook her head again and just looked at him.

Jamie: I was utterly mortified when the next secret came out. Well, there it was. I quickly looked down, unable to stop a very deep blush rising to my face. Id known it would get out.... but id been so afraid to let it get out. "Im.... im sorry...." i said quietly. (that comment is aimed at Nicola)

Zerrick looked back and forth from Jamie to Nicola and back to Jaime. "Look, now everyone is hurt and embarrassed. Maybe we should stop reading about all this now."

Nicola once again forced away shock to offer a smile. "Don't be...it's, " she paused for the right word, not wanting to hurt his feelings. "Flattering. Its hard to believe that anyone would like me that much." She offered another smile.

Jamie: I felt like hiding right now, but at least she wasnt reacting as badly as id figured she would. I cautioned a glance up and noticed she was smiling. I managed a small smile back, but looked down again, still embarassed like crazy.

Illia felt the back of her throat burn with bile as she choked it back. Just thinking of last fall made her shudder in digust. When she had gotten the abortion... It was just... The guilt had been too much. She had only been 16, not ready for a baby. She looked down at her hands, her eyes already brimming with tears. Her parents had found her on the floor, pills surrounding her. They said that she had been in a state near death, the pills were just taking a hold of her. Twenty minutes longer and she would have been dead.

Zerrick stared at Illia. She had been pregnant? Why hadn't she told him about it? He would've...stopped her? No, it was her choice. But a baby? He had almost been a dad? "Illia...I...Why didn't you tell me?" Emotions choked his voice so he didn't say anything else, just waited for her response.

"Because what we had... What we did didn't mean anything," Illia said, finally looking up from her hands. His words had burned through her like acid, though his tone was softer than she'd expected She didn't want him to know. She didn't want anyone to know... Except for Elaina. Now look how that plan backfired.

Zerrick knew that she was right, even though he didn't want to admit it. He had been tipsy and had wanted her so badly. But after a night of making love to her, he had realized that it was a mistake. They stayed friends and it pained him to think that she had gone through that alone, without him, the father of her unborn child.

dear dIary,

jAce...i can hardly bring Myself to write about him in here. he'S by fAr my best Friend, and to think of what i know about him hurts to Even think about. how despite what the doctors say, he may not live long. what if he doesn't? what if we never...i don't know. i just don't want to think our friendship has a clock timing it, ticking away with every second.

he has brain cancer, diary. he's always been there for me, and i want to be there for him, but I can't. i'm not a doctor and I can't save him.

so I have to sit back, watch, and hope that things work out in the end.
and it's killing me inside.

xoxo,

elaina

What very peculiar capitalization was used in that last entry.
HMMMM.

Zerrick's brain felt as if it would explode. One bad thing after another seemed to come out of this diary. Would it stop before they couldn't stand to look at each other anymore? He knew that even though they weren't showing it, their opinions of their closest friends had changed and would never be the same. He just hoped that it would bring them closer, not rip them apart. Zerrick glanced at Jace and thought he saw tears in his eyes. He was dying, the thought was unbelievable.

Jace closed his eyes like he was really tired and laid back in his chair. He sighed and then took a deep breath. The doctors were so sure... But her doubt seemed to kill him a bit inside. After all, he did have a fatal cancer. He was hopeful, though, that doctors could fix him.