THE THIRD STANDARDISED OCCURRENCE OF VIOLENCE PREREQUISITE TO ROMAN ANTZ (Jacky+Invisimort)

Bells

"We're in a motel," I said hastily, relief and grief flashing underneath the scars on my face. "Are you awake now?"

T.Mor:

...Motel. ...Motel... Mo--why were we...? --Oh.

... ...that had been real.

That was... this was the worst wake up moment ever... I... I... had... I had been... I... that all... could have just been...a dream.. all of it...The... the... whole... thing... but... no, no I was... we were... in... in the hotel... and... and that had... happened...

...It wasn't... really... often... that... that... reality and... and dreams got... got this close... to... each other... I mean... this was...

Not that Reality was being entirely there at the moment but.... you know... uhm.

"...oh..." I muttered, starting to pull myself out of the curled up position I'd been in on the floor... how did I get...oh... yeah... I glanced at Bells for a second... and then, seeing her being all...kind of concerned and... and... how she was... I ended up looking at the floor...

...Was...was I awake...? Well, it.. it looked like it... didn't it? I mean... I didn't really feel.... like... like I was... like this was... reality... but... It apparently...was... so... er... uhm.

This was... really... bad...

"...I... ...I... guess? ...maybe?" It was almost hopeful, like... like maybe reality would decide to switch again and tear me away to some new horror... and... and then I'd wake up screaming... at... at home... having... having... overslept... and...and woken..Ana... and... it would all be... normal.

...but the longer it went without something really bad happening... ...the more I realised.. that this... this was... uhm, the... the real... part.

Bells

I frowned, watching down at him. Looked like reality wasn't much better than what he'd been dreaming, with his expression. I didn't like that.

I held out my hand, carefully. "C'mon. Come sit with me."

T.Mor:

I ended up staring at the floor for a bit longer, and then eventually pulled myself off the floor kind of shakily... and onto the bed. I wanted... I wanted this to ...be... less... bad.

My knees kind of automatically went up to my chest, and I just kind of looked at her knees... because... I don't know... from where I was sitting it was...like... difficult to... to look at the floor properly...so...er.. yeah.

I almost felt like crying again... but it wouldn't really... really... accomplish anything... so.. but like... I didn't want to think about it. ...I didn't want to think about what reality really was.

Bells

He curled up on the bed again. "Oh, T.Mor . . ." I just put my arm around him again, still unsure of what to do.

The hell. Every day since my old life, I'd been staggering about trying to figure out why the hell I was here, what I was supposed to do, and why . . . I knew I wanted to help this guy. He was sort of my problem now. I owed him one. He loved me. The problem was, I had absolutely no idea how to deal with any of this.

Holy satan. Give me some answers, whoever or wherever you are. I don't even care. If there's anyone to help, give me some bloody answers. What do I do?

T.Mor:

I felt her put her arm around me... which... which was really...nice... and... and I mean, ...I realised... that... that Bells was here. Which, I mean... I'd known... because... she was here, but... like... I wasn't ...Completely alone. Bells was here.

...but, I mean... we were still homeless... and... kind of...broke... and... like... I'd just been trying to make things... less... bad... and then... and then this... this happened... and...

I... I didn't... want to... think about that... anymore...

I just... I don't know... I don't even...

Bells

So, we sat there for a long while. The usual. And then I finally asked . . .

"So . . . what do we do now?"

T.Mor:

Her question broke the silence. And I remembered... today was... today was... was Sunday. We...we had work. Life... life had to kind of... keep happening... even though... that... happened.

Don'tthinkaboutthat.

Right. ...so. Uhm... what... what do ... about fire...about... about everything... I mean.... we were completely broke basically. And... And there was nothing that we could do... ... ...waitaminute...

...Wait a minute. ...the government... hadn't... hadn't... It wasn't... this wasn't because of tax evasion. ... so... That meant... We... We could uhm, technically... report it... and... and stuff... and yeah...

"We... we... uhm... should... should... er... file... a... uhm... error... report... I think... since... since that wasn't... uhm... like... routine or... or... whatever... so... er... yeah..." I mumbled.

Just because I though that that should probably...like... happen... didn't mean that I actually like... ...felt like... you know... actually... bringing myself to go outside... I mean... ...I kind of still wanted to just curl up and die or something... because... because... well... yeah...

Bells

Something told me that he didn't really want to get up. Neither did I, really. The thought of going out and passing more fires . . . and perhaps have to put on another blank mask . . .

I wondered how many fires were set by the government, and how many were set by who-knows-who.

"A'right," I murmered, and sighed, not moving. " 'ow do we go about that?"

T.Mor:

"..we... uhm... Government... building... ...uhm... there's... a... uh... like... place...to... report...bad... stuff... on... on the... second...floor..." I mumbled. Though... the bad thing about... filing an...error report... was... was that... I'd... I'd have to actually... talk about... about it... and... I... talking about things... wasn't... I didn't...

I paused...staring at my knees for a bit. "... ... ... ...will... will... you...talk...?" I asked finally, and for some reason... I was... like...trying to keep my voice from... from...cracking... and... I couldn't be acting like this. ... I didn't... we couldn't ...I mean... I was being too... like... I shouldn't be like this... ...I... I did this...part...already... I tried to shove that all down with a shaky breath.

Bells

I bit my lip, nodding before he even got the question out. I'd seen that one coming.

. . . I really didn't want to go back into that building.

T.Mor:

"... thanks..." I mumbled. ...now...really... just the question of... actually... erm...getting there.

I mean... I knew it had to happen... I... I knew we had to like... leave... but... mrrh... I wanted to...hide... in a ball... in the bathroom...or...or something... again... and just... not... be. ...I guess.

"...we...should... uhm... yeah..." I added after a long bit... not actually doing anything even though I said it... kind of... ish.

Bells

I nodded again, once more not budging from my place. I didn't want to go back there . . . if I saw another person shot dead right in front of me . . . Alright, I'd seen plenty of people die before I even met T.Mor. But this was different.

". . . T.Mor?" I asked, my voice suddenly sounding like a little girl's, not my own. It was odd.

T.Mor:

She nodded... and then nobody moved. ...we were...productive. Uhm.

And... and then the weird little silence of nobody doing anything... was broken... by... If I hadn't seen her... uhm...mouth move... I wouldn't have like... known it was her... really...

"... ...yeah...?" I asked unsure of... what she was going to... to...ask.

Bells

" . . . Does it get any worse?" I found myself curling up against him, hoping he had some kind of answer. I'd been there less than a week, and all of this . . . what about next week? The week after that? Would it be some sort of sick circle of trying to pretend that I could fix things, and that he could fix things for me?

T.Mor:

...does it... does it get... worse. ...I.. I thought about that, as... as I felt her curl on my shoulder. ...How... how do... how... do I answer that? ...I mean... Is... is that.. that sinking feeling of...of... waking up in the morning...and... and realising... that you're 10 minutes from late, having a panic attack...and... and... going to be... be doing the same..same thing...until you... like... die...or...something... is... is that worse than... than... this? ...Is.. is... wondering...if... if you can make ends...meet... every month... or... or if you're not going to... to eat for two weeks so... you can pay for the house...and... and... your... ... ...Internet....---sister... is... is that worse? ...Is... is... being... homeless and... and... kinda broke... is... is that worse than this? ...I... I didn't know. ...I mean... this... this was... life. Life... here.

...I... I didn't want to... to lie to her...

And... I mean... thinking about it... ...It would take... a lot... to... to make this... any worse than... than... actually...sleeping... in a hotel... with... with no house...and... and... all the rest of... of it...

Not... not that I doubted... that... that It could... like... get worse... if... if... if some people... needed... a...laugh...or... something....

"It... ... ...I... I dunno... if... if... it can..." I ended up muttering.

Bells

Part of me wanted to sigh with relief, part of me wanted to cry, and part of me wanted to shut the hell up and pretend like I had everything under control again. So I just stayed against his shoulder. His incredibly bony shoulder. I wondered if I might become that skinny soon.

". . . Then things will get better?" I asked, knowing I was just getting my hopes up. "Soon?"

T.Mor:

...She... she... knew... how to... to... ask.. hard questions. ...I mean... better... situation wise... Like... with living somewhere.... could... could... only...actually...like...get...less bad... I... I think... but... Better...generally? ... I mean... I didn't know... I didn't really...ever... know...better. I mean... Better... is.... is one of those... Mr.Face..would would say... "relative term"... I think... I mean... if... if... things... if... If I could... could... make things... better...how... how I thought better should...should be... I'd have all of them....back...and... and... we'd be rich... and... and... everyone could...could eat once a day... all of us... and... and... I could sleep... maybe... sometimes... and... and... Bells... would be there...and... and... I don't even... like... It would be... it would be... less... bad.

I... I ended up closing my eyes... putting an arm...around her...I just... ...needed... ...I don't even... I don't even know. ...less bad.

"... ...uhm. ...depends...on.... ...on... better..." I mumbled eventually. ...that... that didn't sound... good. ... that sounded... bad.

I... I already...said... like... how... how I... wanted to... like... curl up and hide... but... yeah... uhm... that.

Bells

I didn't move or flinch or frown at that statement. I'd seen it coming. In fact, it might have been just a tiny bit better than I'd expected . . . but it still wasn't good. "Oh."

T.Mor:

She went "oh".

I didn't know what exactly to make of that... I kind of ended up leaning my head against where her head was leaning against my shoulder... And.. I mean... I knew we had to get going... but... I... I didn't... I didn't want to ever go outside again... and... and Bells was here...and... and I just...

"...yeah..." I mumbled after a bit, not knowing what exactly I was saying that about... just... saying it. Maybe in response to the "oh"... but it was kind of reallllly late for that...

I...I... I don't even know. ...I just don't. I don't know how... or... when...or... or anything... and... and I mean... we had no money... and.. where would we even sleep tonight? ... I couldn't afford another night here... and... and.. food? ...Thinking about all that just made me want to cry again... which, really I couldn't... already did that... and... and I mean... compared to all the other things... it... it wasn't... that... bad... but...

I tightened my grip around Bells a little bit...just for... I don't know... to feel safer. Or... something.