Carkley Deviation

So, here's a deviation for Cricket and Marley, which takes place when they're older...HAVE A BALL.

Cricket

I just sat upside down on the springy old couch, staring at the opposite wall. It wasn't much, but it was enough: little house with tan-painted walls, kitchen, bedroom with a just-as-springy bed. There was a patch of cracking paint on the wall that my eyes kept wandering to, streaked with the sunlight that slanted through the window blinds.

Now . . . it's moments like those that my mind starts spinning like a spider making a cobweb. Perhaps the crack looked a bit like the cityscape of Luna (if I squinted) or the light reminded me of . . .

See . . . my life was like those stripes of light, in the way it lapsed in and out in a rhythm. Day out, I'd be alone, casually sifting through hours and chasing away memories, or chasing after memories, or whatever my mind felt like doing that day. I'd go to the city. I'd go to the ocean. I'd find someplace to work. I'd stay at that home that I didn't really think of as a home, but as the only place to go, like that awkward acquantance you get to talking to because no one else is in the room.

And day in, Marley would be there.

I found it odd that even though so many years had passed, I still thought of myself as a streetrat from Luna. I was almost twenty! Yet I'd wake up in the morning, happen to glance in the mirror and be shocked that I didn't look fourteen years old. The angles of my face were too sharp, and I was too tall to be that one kid I remembered walking around the Bell Tower. In my mind, I'm simply forever fourteen. Perhaps it's because so much happened that year?

Marley
Peeing on a stick in some sketch gas station bathroom in the middle of Nowheresville is the epitome of dignity, I tell you. But... I just had to check. I had missed two periods in a row- the two months since I had seen Crick last- and I was starting to get... nervous. I mean... it was probably some weird freaky coincidence... somehow... just a fluke. If that was possible.

Just to be safe, though... there I was. Holding the stick I peed on and waiting to see if I had a baby in my stomach... or uterus or whatever the baby holder thing was called. Wait, womb. Yeah, I wanted to see if there was a tiny living thing... in my womb.

Could it even be possible? I mean... er... yeah... Crick and I... um... yeaaaah it was probably possible. But it just didn't seem like there was an /honest/ possibility I could be pregnant. So as I waited for the results, I tried to get my mind off of things. And the first obvious distraction was Cricket. Who I haven't seen for two months. Back at home.

Please, you have to understand I don't leave him because I don't love him- because I do. I love him with all of my heart, more than I thought it would ever be possible to love anybody. But there was just something in me, something that made me leave those notes just a handful of times every year, notes telling him I was heading off on a little trip. Then I'd leave for a few days or a few weeks or a few months and return just as quickly. Maybe it was my traveling spirit, maybe it was the fact I couldn't physically stay anchored to any one place for to long, but I just had to get a change of scenery once and a while. If it weren't for just how much I love him, I wouldn't have been able to settle down at all.

I would have been perfectly... content... I suppose the word is, to just... rove from place to place forever. Sure, I wouldn't have been happy like I am with him, but if we had never met, that's what would have happened. I would have just-

Out of the corner of my eye, interrupting my mind tangent, I happened to glance down at the stick again. And on the end... was a tiny plus sign.

Cricket

You can only stare at a paint crack in the wall for so long before coming to terms with the fact that a paint crack isn't very good company. Honestly, paint cracks tend to be incredibly boring. Not nearly as exciting as watching paint dry, I'll give you that.

And on top of that . . . I wanted to go to the ocean. It was one of those spontanious moments where I just needed something familiar to be around, something that had been engrained in my memory. It was odd to me, not being near the water . . . well, let me rephrase that. I lived much closer to the water than most people, but no, I was used to literally living on top of the water, feeling the foundations seem to sway right along with the current. It's funny, how you don't notice things like that until you move away from them.

Anyhow...I needed the ocean.

I rolled from the couch onto the floor, picked myself up, and sauntered out the door.

Marley
I had caught two buses, a taxi, a back of a garbage truck, and a guy with a two seater bicycle just to get back to the house. Yeah... next time I go on one of those trips, I'll probably stay a teeny tiny bit closer to home. If there was a next time... I carefully wrap one arm around my stomach, the other hanging limply at my side, as I make it down the familiar path to the home Cricket and I share, right by the ocean.

How would he take the news? Would he panic? Would he be happy? Would... he want me to get rid of it...? I suddenly felt strangely protective of the stranger in my stomach, the one I had only known for a short window of time but felt a strange... connection, too. But no, he would never ask me to do that. Right...?

I didn't even know how I was taking the news yet, actually. My brain was still lagging behind what had happened, a definite lack of sleep not helping matters much. ...Even assuming we could get a hold of this parenting thing, we'd probably have to start working more odd jobs or even get a steady one, to make ends meet. And what about the rest of our lives? 19 was awfully early to have a kid, what if this shut down all the adventures we could have in the future? What if we weren't ready yet? ...What if we needed to put it up for adoption, even if I did go through with the pregnancy?

I brushed the thoughts from my mind as I finally reached home, and nearly ran straight into Crick as he walked out the door.

Cricket

--and then there was Marley, suddenly in front of me rather than miles away. I nearly ran her over.

"Marley!" A grin whipped across my face, and before I knew it my arms were around her. Stooped to plant a kiss on her cheek. Pulled away just to look at her for the first time in forever. I'd always thought she was gorgeous. Not the way some girls are, who are just paper cutouts of each other, aiming for the same type of look they see in magazines. She was unique, and I loved the shape of her face, and the way strands of honey-blonde hair sometimes fell around it. She was just pretty, that way. I loved her to pieces.

Marley
My face lit up with a grin, eyes shining and everything, when I found myself in his arms again. Forgetting all of the concerns about the stranger in my stomach. That could wait, couldn't it? Even if just for a few more minutes. A few minutes of bliss. I stood on my toes, wrapping my arms around him as I dissolved into his embrace. Alright, yeah, I was in a cheesy mood, but...

"I missed you" I said softly, looking up at his face. The face I loved so much and couldn't bear to be without, yet I left for so long anyway... I would never pretend to be anything but ashamed of that, but my little 'trips' were something that I just... had to do, for some unexplainable reason. But whenever I return home it's like... Christmas. Just to be with him again.

Cricket

"I missed you, too," I said, the grin refusing to leave my face. I didn't mention that I had tried not to miss her, as I always did when she was gone . . . but what else was there to do, but wait and forget and leave my arms wide open for when she came home? And then when she did come back, I always tried to forget that I had tried to forget in the first place. It wasn't that hard to do, actually, when she was right there in front of me, when I couldn't imagine not having her around.

I used to wonder why she left, but then I just came to accept it. I couldn't keep her locked up. It wouldn't be fair to her. She always came back, aye? She loved me, aye?

. . . who am I kidding? It killed me when she was suddenly gone. I'd just learned to deal with it. But then, Marley was here now, right there watching up at me, and so I simply forgot how it hurt, or . . . how I'd just numbed over how it hurt.

I watched her eyes, just smiling. "I missed you a lot. 'ow are you?"

Marley
I snuck a fleeting glance down to my flat stomach, and for a brief moment imagined it rounded, holding our child. Ah... alright...that was a bad idea. Good way to get a panic attack, but over all... ah... deep breaths, Marley. Or at least remember how to breathe. In and out, good girl.

I look up again and give him a smile "Good... fine..." Deep breathing. "There's... something I need to tell you" I said in somewhat of a rush. Like pulling off a bandaid, I figured I might as well get at least that part out quickly.

Cricket

There was an expression seeping through her smile that I hadn't noticed before. She needed to tell me something. That confirmed it; something had happened. I didn't worry about it too much in the moments that I waited for her to tell me whatever it was, thinking that it could have just been something small, but . . . actually, she seemed a bit nervous. What situation would make her nervous?

My smile faded a tad as I watched her. "Aye?" My voice was soft. I had an uncanny feeling that if I pressed too much she'd get scared to tell me and run off like a spooked animal, and I wouldn't see her again for another couple months. I chased that feeling away.

Marley
"Can we go inside first, maybe...? To sit down..." Partly because I was exhausted from the journey; partly because I didn't want him... I don't know, falling over or something. I put one careful hand across my stomach, as if I could maybe feel the thing inside. Maybe there was some way I could fix this... so I wouldn't have to tell him, so we wouldn't have to take care of a child like this... I could make a trip to the doctor's office, not tell Crick about it... and...

No. It wouldn't be fair to him, keeping a secret like that... and... I just... don't know if I could. Besides, I was already too close to telling him about the test. Might as well get it over with and we could figure it out from there.

Cricket

"Ah, a'right. Aye, o' course," I said, reaching blindly for the door handle while laying an arm carefully around her shoulders. Before I opened the door, something caught the corner of my eye . . . she was holding her stomach. Perhaps she was sick. Then another thought came to my mind . . . the last time we'd seen each other . . . aye. But it couldn't be that.

The handle turned with a click, and I led her inside to the living room. You know that feeling of hearing your name called in a none-too-happy manner, and you know you're in trouble, but you have no idea what you did or what the consequence is? You have nothing to do but brace yourself and find out. It was like that.

I chattered a bit along the way about nothing in particular to close the silence. A few seconds later, when we reached the springy couch; I just plopped down, pulled a knee up to my chest, and waited for whatever was to come. "Now tell me, Marley... what's bothering you?"

Marley:
I said my next words carefully as I settled down on the couch next to him. "Crick... you'll love me no matter what, right?" That still sounded strange to me, no matter how long we had been together. Just a promise like that.

But it was a promise I was clinging to now. Like... maybe the pregnancy would upset him, somehow... it was an irrational fear; but it wasn't as if I could start telling my brain to be rational about things. "R-right?" I searched his face and his golden eyes for some kind of confirmation

Cricket

Of course I would. There wasn't a doubt. But by this point my mind was reeling with worst-case scenarios that I was usually able to keep safely stuffed into a dusty corner of my mind. She'd been gone for two months, to who-knows-where. What if she'd run into . . . some other guy? Or she'd decided she'd rather roam around without ties to me? Or . . . I . . . don't know. She would never do that. I could trust her to always come back.

Couldn't I?

A short flurry of whistles escaped my lips on their own accord.

I read the uncertainty on her face, trying to keep sincerity, rather than fear, on my own. "I love you, Marley. Nothing's changed that so far, and nothing will. You know that . . . aye?"

Marley
I knew he was scared; and for good reason. I was just making it worse by beating around the bush this much... but I had fears of my own. And they were keeping the words lodged in my throat, and even as Cricket became worried, I had a hard time getting them out.

"I'm pregnant" I said quickly and quietly, barely shy of a whisper, closing my eyes. There. I said it, it was out. No collecting the words and shoving them back in my mouth, they hovered in the air between us, now. Please don't let this change anything between us, I silently begged him, eyes still squeezed shut. I love you. I love you so, so much...

Cricket

She what.

I couldn't think for just a moment. A thick, blank feeling seeped through the air, making it hard to move. That one word held so much, it was impossible to carry. Marley . . . was going to be a mother . . . there would be a child, and . . . what about money? What if I couldn't do it? What if we weren't ready? What about the fact that I had no idea how to be a father?

. . . Father. That word. Mother, father, child, family . . .

I think I grew up about five years right there.

"A baby?" It was a wonder, hearing that come out of my mouth.

But then, beneath the overwhelming word, and even through it . . . I still loved Marley. I would be there for her all the way. I would have to be. And the idea of a kid . . . despite how intimidating . . . wasn't all that bad. I never thought I'd have a family, but I'd wondered what it'd be like. It was exciting and fascinating and terrifying to think about.

I reached for her hand. "Don't worry, Marley, I'm right 'ere. I'll always be where you are when you need me, I promise you that. Now's no different. You can count on that. A'right?"

Marley
I took his hand as he reached out for me, giving it a gentle squeeze. "If this isn't want you want, Cricket... if... if you don't think we can handle a baby, or if we don't have enough money, or whatever... there are other ways we could... I don't know..." I trailed off. Funny how my mother died just to have me, and I wasn't even brave enough to carry a child while I have the love of my life to support me. Though he might not even want it...

Besides, I had long given up comparing myself to the idealistic version of my mother I used to have in my head, cutting off my hair to finalize it, even... so I ignored that thought that cropped up in the back of my mind.

Cricket

Five minutes ago, I'd been sitting on the same couch feeling just a bit lonely. Now I had Marley. Possibly plus one. That plus one had been a completely unexpected guest, and I felt completely unprepared. What if I would make a horrible parent? I mean, honestly, my childhood consited of a guardian-to-kid ratio of one negetively-influential bastard per ten streetrats.

But I couldn't just . . . throw it away.

"I, ah . . ." I tried to find the right words. Whistled something. Looked at our hands together, and looked at Marley. "I don't remember my mother . . . barely knew my papa, and don't 'ave any siblings that I know of. Family hasn't been my area of expertise." I paused over the words again. "And it's not my decision t' make, but . . . if there's one more person that I don't want t' never be able t' meet, it'd be my kid."

Marley
I nodded, just barely. I didn't have any family experience either- but he had a point. Maybe between the fact he... er... sort of knew his dad, and the fact I had brothers, we could scrape together enough information for building a family...? Hah, who am I kidding? We were going to have to do this deal from scratch, figure it out on our own.

Plus... he did have a good point. It was our kid. A combination of Cricket and I, wrapped up in an entirely new person, a person that will be part human, part-

"Habui... Cricket... our kid would be half habui..."

Cricket

I paused. Half habui.

Our kid would be half habui.

" . . . Aye." My eyes swept back down to our hands again as I nodded slightly. "Seems so." Oi my my. I'd often just forget that Marley was habui. She was still the most amazing lass I'd ever met, but she had been born with the instinct to kill . . . our kid would take half of that with them.

"But it's still a baby, Marley," I said, and glanced back up at her eyes. "It's still our baby."

Marley
"Yeah... still our baby..." I echoed "And if we raise him or her to not... kill... maybe it will turn out alright?" I said softly. Maybe that would work. I raised myself but I still got that moral compass, and he or she would have two loving parents...

Cricket

I nodded. Caught my eyes trailing to her stomach, as if there I might find some portrait of our unseen kid. I looked up again, but that image was still there in my mind. There was a little boy in there. Or . . . a girl. Perhaps she looked like Marley. Perhaps he looked like me. We would have to give said him or her the world . . . aye? Isn't that what parents are supposed to do? And what if I didn't have the world to give, hm?

I nodded again. ". . . Marley, do you think we can do it? We can do it, aye?"

Marley
What a loaded question. I saw him look down at my stomach, and I followed his gaze for a moment before snapping it back to him. So many things made me want to say no... money issues, lifestyle issues, species issues... but... we'd gone through adventures before, right? It would be kind of like that... with a lifetime commitment to a child.

But yet somehow I smiled at him, and I nodded. "We can, Cricket. I know we can" And I felt my words to be absolutely true. Call it a mother's instinct.

Cricket

Hearing those words was a small gulp of fresh air, as if it made everything official. It pulled the biggest question out of the pile; whether or not we were going to keep the kid, and whether or not we could.

. . . We could.

. . . And we would.

. . . And oi my my! This was real. If it were a dream, I would have no clue as to call it a fantasy or a nightmare, but no, this was reality. It was the best and worst that could happen, and it was real.

I shook my head to make myself stop thinking, then nodded, then confused even myself with the feel of different thoughts and signals running across my face, and finally just nodded again. Tipped her chin forward and planted a careful kiss on her lips. "Aye. We can do this."

Marley
I'm glad my words seemed to have a reassuring effect on him... 'cause they didn't do a whole lot for me. Just because I had some vague idea that it was what we were going to at least... try... I kissed him back quickly, then nodded, but didn't otherwise respond.

We were going to be parents...