Now all your love is wasted/And then who the hell was I?/And I'm breaking at the britches/And at the end of all your lines/Who will love you?

Jude: "I don't know. I just got dumped here by my cousins."

Marissa: "Why do you live with your cousins, anyway?"

Jude: I sighed. "It's a long story."

Marissa: "I've got time."

Jude: I sighed. "Well, I used to have a twin brother until I was about seven. He was autistic, though, and..."

Marissa: "What happened?" I asked him.

Jude: I forced myself to swallow. "He found a gun one day."

Marissa: I gasped. "Oh my god. He killed himself?"

Jude: I shook my head. "It was an accident," I whispered. "I took it from him saying he didn't know how to use it, but neither did I...and...and there was a bang, and then all that blood..."

Marissa: "Oh my god." I said, and put a hand on his arm. "I'm so sorry."

Jude: I shook my head. "That wasn't the worst part. When my parents found out, they were almost...relieved."

Marissa: My eyes widened. "That's.... horrible. They should love their children, no matter what is wrong with them."

Jude: I nodded. "Exactly. That's why I left."

Marissa: "It must've been awful. Living life knowing you did that."

Jude: I nodded. "Yeah. I don't know what I would have done if it weren't for my aunt and uncle."

Marissa: "I'm glad you went there." I said, and gave him a hug. I hadn't given a hug since I left the hospital. "Your parents were awful people."

Jude: I was surprised by the hug, but I hugged her back. "Yeah," I breathed. "They're still around. I haven't seen them since I was seven."

Marissa: "You shouldn't see them. Again."

Jude: "I'm not going to. I already told myself that."

Marissa: I sighed. His story was darker than mine was. A lot scarier. But... he seemed so gentle, and nice, despite what he had done by accident.

Jude: "Looks like we've both had some crap happen to us," I said.

Marissa: "Yep. Yours makes mine look like I fell on the pavement and scraped my knee though."

Jude: I shook my head. "This was my own fault though, in a way."

Marissa: "There is one way to ease your guilt. Did you love your brother when he was alive?"

Jude: I frowned. "Of course I did."